PS 

727 
03 


University  of  California  •  Berkeley 


CASE 
B 


T    H     F. 

/FOR  CUP  I  NI  AD: 

-A' 
IB  RUSTIC    POEM, 

In  Three  Cantos, 

4DDR.ESSED  T* 

"WILLIAM   COBBETTj 
MATHEW.CAPvEY, 


CANTO  L 


SECOND    EDITION. 


<'  Republican  ingratitude  is  proverbial. "^ 

Porcupines  Gazette,  Nov.  21,   1798. 

"  I  would  not  exchange  my  title  of  fubj'edl:  of  king  George^  for 
"  all  the  citizenihips  in  the  univerfc.'* 

Idem,  Nov.  28,    1798. 

«  America  has  produced  more  cool  traitors  in  the  laft  fix  years> 
**  than  ail  the  nations  of  the  world  put  ~ 

Idem>   5<?jtf..  .5,   1798. 
'<  Thank  heaven,.  I  am  no  citizen  of  America." 

Idemy  June  6,   1795.* 


P  H  IL  A  D  EL  PH1A: 

Printed  for  and  fold  by  the  AUTHOR. 

nl  15,  1799, 
(Copy  right  fecnred  eccordiig  to  afl  cf  Congress.) 


THE 

PORCUPINIAD 

A 

HUDIBRASTIC   POEM. 
In  Three  Cantos. 

ADDRESSED    TO 

WILLIAM     COBBETT. 

BY 

MATHEW  CAREY. 

CANTO  I. 


SECOND  EDITION 


Thank  heaven,  I  am  no  citizen  of  America." 

Porcupine  s  Gazette,  June  6,   1  798. 

America  has  produced  more  cool  traitors  in  the  laft  fix  years,  than  all 
the  nations  of  the  world  put  together." 

Idem,  Sept.  5,   1798. 
Republican  ingratitude  is  proverbial." 

Idem,  AW.  21,   1798. 

would  not  exchange  my  title  of  fubjeft  of  King  George,  for  all  the 
Citizenfhips  in  the  univerfe." 

Idem,  Nov.  28,  1798. 


PHILADELPHIA: 
Printed  for  and  fold  by  the  AUTHOR. 

April  22,    M5DCC,XCIX. 

(Copy-right  secured  according  to  Act  of  Congress.) 


FEDERALISM  OF  PETER  PORCUPINE, 


44  YJERSON ALLY  appeared  before  me,  the  fub- 
JL    fcriber,  one    of  the  juftices   of  the  peace  for 
"  the  county   of  Philadelphia,  John  Pearce,  of  the 
"  city  of  Philadelphia,  who,  being  duly  fworn,  depof- 
"  eth  and  faith,  that  in  converfation  ibme  time  ago 
"  with  William  Cobbett,  the  editor  of  Porcupine's 
"  Gazette,  on  the  fubjed  of  the  depredations  com- 
"  mitted  on  the  American  commerce,  by  the  veffels 
"  of  the  French  republic,  this  deponent,  in  reply  to 
"  William  Cobbett's  remarks,  obferved,  that  the  Bri- 
"  tifh  were  alfo  capturing  American  veffels.     Damn 
"  them  (the  Americans),  faid  William  Cobbett,  no 
"  curfe  bad  enough  can  happen  to  them,  for  their 
"  infamous  declaration  of  independence ;  but  I  hope 
"  foon  to  fee  the  two  countries  united  together  again. 
"  On  this  declaration,  the  deponent  remarked,  that^ 
"  as  he  (the  deponent)  had  taken  an  oath  of  allegi- 
"  ance,  and .  had  fworn  to  fupport  the  independence 
"  of  the  United  States,  he,  William  Cobbett,   muft 
"  exped  that  fuch  expreffions  would  be  hurtful  to 
"  the  deponent's  feelings.     On  which  William  Cob- 
"  bett  damned  this  deponent  for  an  Englifli  rebel. 
"  Witnefs  his  hand,  this  3d  day  of  July,  1798. 

«  JOHN  PEARCE." 

Sworn  before  me, 
JACOB  SERVOSS,  (Seal.) 


PREFACE. 


TO  thofe  who  have  read  the  "  Plumb  Pudding  for  Ptter  Porcu- 
pine" which  I  publimed  a  few  weeks  ago,  no  explanation  can 
be  neceffary,  of  the  reafons  that  have  led  to  the  prefent^ublication. 
For  the  information  of  others,  I  (hall  add  a  (hort  ftatement. 

In  the  peaceable  and  unoffending  purfuit  of  my  private  affairs, 
having  a  large  family  to  provide  for,  with  little  leifure,  and  lefs  in- 
clination, to  commence  writer,  and  wholly  abftracled  from  public 
life,  I  was,  feveral  times,  very  wantonly  and  unjuftly  attacked  by 
William  Cobbett,  the  publifher  of  Porcupine's  Gazette.  The  prof- 
peel  of  a  controverfy  with  fuch  a  man,  void  of  candour,  honour, 
and  truth,  was  to  me  extremely  difagreeable.  I  have  no  hefitation 
in  avowing,  that  I  made  feveral  earned  efforts  to  avoid  it.  As  early 
as  September  1796,  I  wrote  him  a  letter,  declaring  my  refolution 
"  to  avoid,  while  it  could  be  avoided  without  difhonour,  a  contro- 
"  verfy  carried  on  as  ours  would  probably  be." 

In  May  1797,  after  a  recent  attack,  I  repeated  my  application  to 
him,  in  a  letter  from  which  the  following  are  extra&s : 

((  The  averfion  I  formerly  exprefied  to  this  warfare,  has  not  di- 
"  miniftied.  On  the  contrary,  it  is  ftronger  than  ever.  I  there- 
"  fore  make  this  one  more  effort  to  avoid  it.  Should  we  be  engag- 
"  ed  in  it,  I  am  determined  to  be  able  to  exculpate  myfelf  from  its 
'*  confequences,  whatever  they  may  be. 

"  I  mould  be  extremely  forry  to  have  this  letter  afcribed,  on  the 
"  one  hand,  to  a  defire  of  intimidating  you,  or,  on  the  other,  to 
ff  any  fear  of  you.  They  are  both  equally  remote  from  my  heart. 
"  My  with  is  peace.  I  have  done  nothing  to  provoke  hoftility. 
"  As  long  as  in  my  power,  I  (hall  avoid  it — when  it  comes  I  mall 
"  know  how  to  meet  it." 

This  addrefs  was  treated  with  all  the  infolence  charafteriftic  of 
Cobbett. 


0389 


iV 


PREFACE. 


From  that  period,  he  repeatedly  aflailed  me  in  his  vile  paper,  but 
in  a  manner  hardly  deferving  of  notice.  Unwilling  to  vvafte  my 
time,  or  to  trefpafs  on  the  public,  I  treated  his  attacks  with  filent 
contempt,  till  a  publication  on  the  cnft  of  December  1798.  On 
this  I  made  another  eflay  to  avoid  a  controvcrfy,  in  a  private  letter, 
dated  the  22d  of  that  month,  which  I  concluded  with  thefe  words: 

««  I  once  more  declare  my  unwillingnefs  to  be  driven  to  extremi- 
"  ties  with  you.  What  is  paft,  I  am  willing  to  try  to  forget.  But 
"  never  dare  to  difgrace  my  name  by  introducing  it  into  your  filthy 
'"  paper,  it  you  do,  you  (hall  forely  repent  it.  You  will  too  late 
"  regret  the  temerity  that  urged  you  to  an  engagement  in  which  you 
"  have  nothing  to  gain — but  much  to  lofe. 

"  I  have  laboured  hard  to  avoid  a  conteft  with  you.  This  is  my 
"  final  effort.  If  it  proves  in  vain,  on  your  detefted  head  be  the 
"  confequences." 

Notwithftandtog  thefe  repeated  teftimonies  of  my  pacific  difpofi- 
tion,  Cobbettwas  refolved  to  force  me  to  a  ftate  of  hoftility.  His 
objecl  I  never  could  divine.  He  had  "  nothing  to  gain,"  and 
"  much  to  lofe,"  in  the  conteft.  For  fuppofe  him  able  to  fink  me 
as  low  as  he  had' done  fome  of  the  objects  of  his  malice,  neither  he 
nor  his  partifans,  could  derive  any  advantage  from  his  fuccefs.  But 
on  the  other  hand,  Ihould  I,  in  the  conteft,  expofe  him  in  his  true 
colours,  to  the  deteftation  of  every  candid  and  unbiased  man,  as  I 
hope  and  truft  I  mall,  before  I  have  done  with  him,  has  he  not  con- 
cluded moft  "  fatuitQitJly?"  Has  he  not  adventured  in  a  lottery, 
wherein  there  was  but  one  fmall  prize,  my  ruin,  and  to  him  a  very 
large  blank,  his  own  difgrace  ? 

As  he  preferred  a  ftate  of  war,  and  again  threw  the  gauntlet,  I 
laid  afide  my  referve,  and  publiftied  the  "  Plumb  Pudding"  a  pam- 
phlet written  in  his  own  ftyle  and  manner.  I  as  freely  beftowed  on 
him,  as  he  had  done  on  others,  all  the  epithets  to  be  found  in  the 
Blackguard's  Dictionary,  which  for  years  has  been  his  text  book. 

This  pamphlet  I  confideted  as  a  payment  in  full  for  all  the  abufe 
I  had  received  from  him.  Had  he  then  defifted,  and  let  me  remain 
at  peace,  I  mould  have  troubled  him  no  further.  I  fhould  have  re- 
figned  to  other  hands  the  talk  of  unmaking  him  to  «  a  duped  and 
infatuated  world." 


PREFACE.  Y 

But  the  extreme  malignance  and  folly  of  Cobbett's  difpofition 
forbade  him  to  fuffer  me  to  remain  in  tranquility.  His  attacks 
feeble  and  contemptible,  it  is  true,  were  feveral  times  repeated; 
and  at  length  impelled  me,  though  I  could  ill  fpare  the  time,  to 
examine  his  Beotian  Gazette,  from  its  dawn,  through  its  meridian 
blaze  of  brightnefs,  down  to  its  prefent  twilight  ftate. 

Having  made  this  examination  very  curforily,  it  is  more  than 
probable  that  hundreds  of  paflages  have  efcaped  me,  as  well  calcu- 
lated to  expofe  him,  as  any  I  have  felefted.  Should  I  undertake 
the  talk  again,  I  (hall  go  through  it  more  completely  than  I  have 
done. 

But  I  believe  there  is  enough  brought  forward  at  prefent  to  con- 
vince any  man,  not  wilfully  blind,  that  language  cannot  do  juftice 
to  the  conduct  of  William  Cobbett,  as  Editor  of  Porcupine's  Ga- 
zette. The  prominent  features  of  that  peftiferous  paper,  are — 
falfehoods  of  the  moft  revolting  kind — abandoned  audacity — atroci- 
ous calumny — the  moft  filthy  and  wretched  Billingfgate  and  buf- 
foonery— curfing,  fwearing,  and  blafphemy— a  molt  favage  thirft 
after  blood — in  fine,  every  thing  calculated  to  excite  horror  in  a 
liberal  mind. 

Although  I  had  long  regarded  Cobbett  as  highly  bafe  and  detef- 
table,  yet  I  folemnly  declare,  I  had  but  a  very  imperfect  idea  of 
his  wickednefs  and  depravity,  previous  to  the  review  of  his^vile 
collection  of  papers.  What  I  had  previoufly  feen  at  different  times, 
was  there  heaped  together,  "  a  naufeous  mefs"  of  every  thing  odi- 
ous and  difgufting.  I  turned  from  the  dofe  with  abhorrence ;  and 
fighed  over  the  difgrace  of  a  country  which  had  afforded  the  mifcre- 
ant  a  degree  of  patronage  almoft  unexampled. 

I  refolved  to  lay  before  the  public  the  fele&ion  I  had  made,  in 
hopes  to  diffolve  the  charm  in  which  he  had  fo  long  bound  his  admir- 
ers. If  the  perufal  be  gone  through  without  prejudice,  it  cannot 
fail  to  produce  that  effecl. 

Circumftanced  as  I  am  with  Cobbett,  I  lay  claim  to  confiderable 
merit  for  the  moderation  I  have  difplayed  towards  his  myrmidons. 
I  have  brought  none  of  them  forward,  although  I  am  well  informed 
they  have  furniihed  him  with  the  jejune  and  impotent  articles  he  has 


vi  PREFACE. 

i 

publifhed  againft  me,  I  might  have  rendered  my  little  work  more- 
acceptable  to  hundreds  of  readers,  who  are  too  prone  to  relifh  fcan- 

dal,  had  I  introduced  Mr. Mr. and  Mr. ,  who 

difgrace  themfelves  and  the  ftations  they  fill,  by  acling  as  jackalls 

to  the  fix-pencc-a-day  man.     Mr. in  particular,  debauched 

and  profligate,  whom  I  know  to  be  his  principal  writer,  might  have 
furnimed  matter  for  feveral  pages,  and  I  Ihould  have  been  juftifiable 
in  rendering  him  confpicuous.  But  unlefs  provoked  to  it  beyond 
endurance,  I  defpife  perfonality,  and  in  the  whole  courfe  of  my 
life,  have  never  ufed  it,  but  in  felf-defence.  Thofe  gentlemen  know 
my  terms.  If  they  pleafe,  they  may  fit  for  their  piclure.  They 
have  only  to  fet  their  wild  beaft  on  me  again.  If  they  do,  I  (hall 
try  to  do  them  as  much  juftice  as  I  have  done  their  friend. — If  I 
fail,  it  {hall  not  be  for  want  of  earned  endeavours — but  for  want 
of  ability. 

I  chearfully  fubmit  this  attempt  to  public  criticifm.  But  it  can- 
not  be  amifs  to  inform  the  reader,  (and  it  may  foften  a  little  the  afpe- 
rity  of  his  cenfure)  that  this  is  my  fecond  attempt  at  Hudibraftic 
poetry.  About  thirteen  years  fmce,  in  a  controverfy  not  unlike  the 
one  in  which  I  am  engaged  with  Cobbett,  I  publirtied  a  poem,  of 
nearly  300  lines,  written  in  the  prefent  meafure.  Since  that  period, 
I  utterly  renounced  all  connection  with  the  Mufes,  not  having  writ, 
ten  during  the  time,  thirty  lines  of  poetry.  Cobbett  has  led  me  to 
vifit  the  ladies  again,  and  renew  our  acquaintance;  and  it  is  not  im- 
probable his  friends  may  oblige  me  to  call  once  more  on  them  for 
afliftance. 

PHILADELPHIA,  March  -id, 


ON  HUDIBRASTIC  POET&T* 


I  HE  proper  meafure  of  Hudibraftic  poetry,  confifts 
of  eight  fyllables, — as 

"  What  makes  all  doclrines  plain  and  clear  ? 
"  About  two  hundred  pounds  a  year — "* 

When  the  rhyme  is  double,  the  line  mufl  confifl  of 
nine  fyllables  \  e.  g. 

f(  Truly,  quoth  he,  you  can't  imagine, 

"  What  wond'rous  things  they  will  engage  in." 

But  none  of  the  Englifh  poets  have  taken  fuch  liber- 
ties, both  in  regard  to  meafure  and  rhyme,  as  thofe 
who  have  written  Hudibraftically.  They  have  availed 
themfelves  of  the  example  of  Butler,  who  appears  to 
have  fported  with  rules,  and  fet  them  entirely  at  defi- 
ance. 

'<  And  (hine  upon  me  but  benignly, 

"  With  that  one  and  the  other  pigfney."f 

"  If  we  permit  men  to  run  headlong, 
(t  T'  exorbitances  fit  for  bedlam. "J 

"  Was  no  difpute  a-foot  between, 
"  The  caterwauling  brethren  ?"§      ' 

"  'Twas  nothing  fo.     Both  fides  were  balanc't 
"  So  equal,  none  knew  which  was  valiant'ft."[| 

*  Hudibras,  Part  III.  C.  I.  line  1277.     t  Idem,  P.  II.  C.  I.  569. 
$  Idem,  P.  I,  C.  II.  655.  §  Ibid,  701.  ||  Ibid.  807. 


{     viii     ) 

"  While  others  followed  myfteries, 

•f  To  which  few  folks  bind  prentices."* 

•'  And  give  your  fervant  confecration, 

"  That  (he  may  have  true  bifhops  in  her  nation."* 

"  Well,  well,  have  patience,  quoth  Scory, 
"  Behold  the  Bible  here  before  ye."f 

In  this  couplet,  patience  muft  be  pronounced  in  three 
fyllables. 


And  every  body  faw  the  cheat, 
Epifcopacy  counterfeit."^ 


"  That  every  one  may  underftand, 

"  What  fort  of  faith  we  are  to  teach  the  land."|| 

"  The  doftrines  taught  in  every  one, 
"  Tho'  perfeft  contradiction.  "H 

Contradiction  muft  here  be  pronounced  con-tra-dic- 
ti-on,  to  drag  out  the  line  to  its  proper  length. 

*f  And  in  plain  fyllables  declare, 

"  That  only  bread  and  wine  are  prefent  there."* 

I  have  laid  thefe  examples  before  the  reader,  to  pre- 
vent his  being  too  rigorous  in  judging  .of  fome  of  my 
lines,  which  I  have  found  it  necefiary  to  extend  to  nine 
fyllables,  and  of  others  in  which  the  rhyme  may  appear 
fomewhat  harm. 

*  Fable  of  the  Bees,  45.  f  England's  Reformation,  Canto  II. 

J  Ibid.     §  Ibid.    ||  Ibid,    f  Ibid.    **  Ibid.. 


THE 


PORCUPIN.  IAD, 


CANTO    I. 


ARGUMENT. 


j  fmg  the  hero  Porcupine, 
His  million  and  his  grand  defign  ; 
His  orders,  and  laft  interview, 
Ere  t'  Albion's  cliffs  he  bade  adieu. 


DESCEND,  O  Mufe!  my  foul  infpire  j 
And  fill  me  with  poetic  fire, 
Rolling  in  frenzy  fine  mine  eye,  (a) 
May  I  with  Ward  (b)^  or  Trumbull  vie, 
While  I  recite  great  Cobbett's  praife,  5 

In  Butler's  Hudibraftic  lays* 
Great  Cobbett !  wonder  of  the  age, 
Whofe  works  for  years  have  been  "  the  rage,"  (c) 

(a)    IMITATION. 

"  The  poet's  eye,  in  a  fine  frenzy  rolling." 
fb)  Edward  Ward,  author  of  England's  Reformation. 
(c)  After  the  bubble  burfts,  and  the  delufion  that  led  to  Cobbett's 
fuccefs,  fubfides,  it  will  never  be  believed,  that  the  obfcene  and  Bil- 
lingfgate  writings  of  an  alien,  taken  from  the  lowed  of  the  canaille  of 
a  foreign  nation,  could  have  met  with  the  general  encouragement  he 
has  experienced.     His  coarfe,  trite  jefts,  the  caft-off  finall  talk  of  Eng- 
lifli  ftews,  guard-houfes,  and  priibns,  have  been  celebrated  as  the  moft 
refined  wit.     Many  a  reader  in  elevated  flation,  has  ftiowed  his  appro- 
bation of  the   obfcene  idea  of  "  bottling  up  farts,  and  retailing  them 

B 


* 
• 

.    . 

xo  THE    PORCUPIN1AD. 

And  made  th'  enliven'd  bofoms  glow 

Of  prieft  and  layman — high  and  low —       10 

Of  male  and  female  (d) — old  and  young — 

Whofe  praile  by  grave  and  gay's  been  fung  5 

Whom  Britifh  Critics  celebrate,  (e) 

And  with  fulfome  praife  intoxicate. 

From  Britain's  ifle  our  hero  came,  15 

In  queft  of  fortune,  pow'r,  and  fame  ; 
Was  hither  by  the  premier  fent,  (f) 
To  di&ate  to  our  government — (g)  20 

as  fupcrfinc  inflammable  air,"*  and  other  equally  dull,  ftupid  jefts,  by 
loud  burfts  of  laughter.  The  deception  of  the  bottle  conjuror  in  Eng- 
land was  incomparably  lefs  wonderful.  That  was  a  momentary  bufmeis. 
The  public  had  no  time  for  reflection.  The  project  was  announced  with 
fuch  confidence  as  annihilated  doubt.  But  our  conjuror  has  bound 
"  the  most  enlightened  nation  in  the  world"  in  his  fpells  for  years  :  and 
had  not  his  imprudence  and  his  folly  been  equal  to  his  affurance  and  his 
impudence,  the  charm  would  probably  have  retained  its  force  for  years 
to  come  :  for  let  it  be  obferved,  that  it  was  that  Cbbbett  broke  the  chains 
of  his  flaves  by  his  folly,  not  they  that  afferted  their  freedom  by  their 
underftanding  or  illumination. 

(d)  In  the  early  ftage  of  Gobbett's  career,  the  ladies  were  among 
his  moft  decided  partifans. 

(e)  The  Britifh  Critic,  and  other  reviews  publifhed  in  England, 
which  are  marflialled  on  the  fide  of  the  adm'miftration,  have  laviftied 
the  moft  profufe  encomiums  on  Cobbett's  productions.     To  read  the 
praifes  they  beftow  on  the  wit,  humour,  perfpicacity,  and  profoandnefs 
of  his  Grub-ftreet  performances,  a  perfon  unacquainted  with  the  real 
ftate  of  the  cafe,  might  be  tempted  to  believe  that  he  united  the  talents 
of  Sterne,  Addifon,  and  Hume. 

$  (f)  It  is  no  more  than  proper  and  juft  to  declare,  that  the  affertion 
contained  in  this  line,  is  a  poetical  licence,  and  that  I  have  no  full  proof 
of  the  fad.  The  mufe,  furveying  the  progrefs  of  Cobbett,  and  at- 
tentively fcanning  his  conduct,  feels  a  ftrong  conviction  that  his  million 
to  this  country  took  place  as  here  ftated  :  but  fhe  does  not  wifh  to  force 
this  opinion  on  the  readers,  each  of  whom  will  judge  for  himfclf.  The 
poetical  licence,*  however,  here  aflumed,  cannot  be  juftly  cenfured  by 
Gobbett,  who  is  in  the  daily  habit  of  taking  ftronger  licence,  and  on 
infinitely  lefs  grounds  of  probability,  in  St.  Giles's  and  Grub-ftreet 
prose. 

(g)  Thofe  who  have  not  been  in  the  habit  of  reading  Porcupine's 
Gazette,  cannot  conceive  how  arrogantly  and  imperiouily  Gobbett  has 
for  years  dictated  to  our  government.  None  of  the  ftate  governors 
have  ever  aflumed  fuch  an  authoritative  ftyle  to  their  refpeCtivele  gifla- 

*  Obfervations  on  doCtor  Prieftley,  page  87. 


THE    PORCUPINIAD.  11 

Our  ftate  affairs  to  regulate, 

And  Britain's  caufe  to  advocate  :  (h)         20 

Columbia's  fons  to  fill  with  ire — 

Our  public  councils  to  infpire 

Old  mother  country's  wrongs  to  feel ;    ~} 

In  her  defence  to  fharp  the  fleel,  > 

And  make  to  heav'n  the  laft  appeal:       )     25 

Our  forces  muiter  againft  France, 

And  in  the  caufe  of  kings  advance : 

To  fight  the  battles  of  the  Lord,  ^ 

To  propagate  his  holy  word,  > 

And  fpread  the  gofpel  with  the  fword  :  }    30 

The  five-head  monfter  drive  away, 

Reftore  the  Bourbons  fans  delay  ; 

Who  erft,  as  you  may  read  in  ftory, 

Were  fworn  foes  to  Britain's  glory, 

tures,  nor  either  of  the  prefidents  to  congrefs,  as  this  alien  has  conftant- 
ly  employed  as  well  to  the  executive  as  the  legiflature  of  the  union.— 
Were  the  proofs  of  what  I  here  affert,  annihilated,  pofterity  could  not 
be  perfuaded  that  their  anceftors  were  tame  enough  to  fubmit  to  fuch 
degradation.  See  Appendix  A. 

(b)  I  am  very  far  from  cenfuring  Cobbett  for  the  unceafing  exer- 
tions he  makes  to  advocate  the  caufe  of  England.  On  the  contary, 
for  this  he  deferves  praife  ;  and  it  is  the  only  part  of  his  conduct  de- 
ferving  of  praife.  He  prides  himfelf  in  being  an  Englim  fubject  ;  and 
attachment  to  native  country— to  the  "  natale  solum"—\s  felt  by  every 
man  living,  in  a  greater  or  lefs  degree  ;  and  when  it  does  not  drive  its 
votaries  to  the  (hocking  excefs  of  rancour  and  malice  againfl  other  na- 
tions, is  highly  commendable.  It  is,  therefore,  perfectly  natural  that 
he  mould,  as  he  has  done,  blazon  forth  the  virtues  and  palliate  the  vices 
of  his  country  and  countrymen.  But  no  degree  of  reprobation  is  ade- 
quate to  his  bafenefs,  in  loading  with  infamy  all  nations  to  which  Eng- 
land is  hoftile.  For  though  the  atrocities  of  Robefpierre  are  the  often- 
{Ible  reafons  for  his  virulence  againft  France  ;  it  ought  to  be  obferved 
with  attention,  that  he  difplays  nearly  equal  rage  againfl  Spain,  Hol- 
land, Switzerland,  &c.  Some  apology  may,  it  is  true,  be  made  for 
him,  on  the  ground  of  the  narrownefs  and  illiberality  of  mind  arifing 
from  the  abject  condition  from  which  Fortune,  in  one  of  her  extraordi- 
nary freaks,  has  elevated  him.  But  the  confederation  of  his  being  an 
alien,  u  a  bird  of  pafTage"  fhould  have  infpired  him  with  a  degree  of 
decorum  and  moderation  towards  his  political  opponents.  He  mould 
have  pleaded  the  caufe  of  his  country  decently,  however  firmly  and  bold- 
ly. He  mould  not  have  fo  impudently  feized  every  opportunity  of  de- 
grading and  vilifying  what  he  terms  his  adopted  country,  or  its  "  re- 


tz  THE    PORCUPINIAD. 

Blafted  for  worfe  than  (i)  Punic  faith         35 

(So  e'en  our  hero,  Cobbett,  faith) — 

Unfeeling  defpots — tyrants  fierce — - 

To  freedom  and  her  fons  adverfe — 

(Whofe  ev'ry  fubjeft  was  a  (lave, 

I3erfidious,  vile,  frog-eating  knave  ;  40 

'Gainft  popery  (k)  and  wooden  fhoes 

What  railing  in  both  verfe  and  profe  !)-— 

Bufnow,  (what  changes  a  few  years 

Effectuate,  from  this  appears) 

They  are  become  a  holy  race,  45 

Whofe  fall  indelible  difgrace 

Cafts  on  this  innovating  age, 

So  curft  by  democratic  rage, 

(From  hell  by  Belial  furely  lent,        ~) 

Diforders  direful  to  foment  50 

In  every  legal  government)  j 

Of  feventy-five  (detefted  year, 

When  Faction's  makes  began  to  rear, 

Their  baleful  heads)  accurfed  fruit 

Which  in  this  country  firfl  took  root  j         55 

Tranfported  by  Fayette  to  France, 

Where,  malgre  regal  vigilance, 

publican"  forms  of  government,  againft  which  he  has  a  thoufand  times 
vented  his  impotent  malice.  For  this  kind  of  conduct,  there  is  no  apo- 
logy or  extenuation.  It  is  as  abandoned  and  infamous,  as  it  is  malig- 
nant and  impudent, 

(i)  The  Punic  faith  of  Carthage  was  an  unceafing  theme  of  de- 
clamation among  the  Roman  orators,  poets,  and  hiftorians  ;— -but  it  has 
been  juftly  fufpected  that  the  Carthaginians  had  more  reafon  to  com- 
plain on  this  head,  than  their  fuccefsful  rivals.  The  perfidy  and  treach- 
ery of  the  French  have  been  for  ages  inexhauftible  topics,  among  the 
Englifh.  The  canaille  of  the  latter  nation  have  imbibed  an  imprefiion, 
never  to  be  eradicated,  that  the  French  have  always  been  a  perfidious 
people,  whom  no  oaths  could  bind.  A  careful  review  of  hiftory  would 
probably  leave  it  doubtful  on  which  fide,  in  the  intercourfe  between  the 
two  nations,  for  fome  ages  paft,lies  the  balance  of  perfidy. 

(k)  Numberlefs  volumes  have  been  written  in  England  againft  the 
tyranny  and  defpotii'm  of  the  kings  of  France,  and  the  mifery  and  wretch- 
ednefs  of  their  half-ftarved  fubjeas.-— The  farcafms  againft,  and  abufe  of, 
the  French,  for  their  "  popery,  flavery,  wooden-fhoes,  and  frog-eating," 
have  not  been  confined  to  needy  ballad-mongers,  and  writers  of  plays., 


THEPORCUPINIAD.  is 

King,  church,  and  nobles  it  deftroy'd, 
And  neighb'ring  nations  fore  annoy'd. 

Why  for  this  icheme  was  Cobbett  chofe,  60 
Wife  Solomon  to  tell  would  pole. 
His  Tyburn  vifage  feems  to  fpeak  (I) 
That  for  his  neck  he  had  a  fqueak. 
All  mankind  furely  muft  agree 
(If  by  the  fruit  we  judge  the  tree),  65 

He's  'mongft  the  worfl  of  human  race,  ") 
Flint-hearted,  cruel,  bloody,  bafe — (m)  > 
The  cannibal  we  plainly  trace  ) 

In  all  his  works.     No  dev'lifh  elf, 
Nor  even  Satan's  horrid  felf,  70 

Did  e'er  breathe  more  infernal  rage, 
Than  he  has  mown,  through  ev'ry  page 
Of  his  vile  writings.     A  fierce  flood 
Will  pour  abroad,  of  human  blood, 
In  civil  war,  if  this  curft  knave  75 

Our  morals  longer  can  deprave. 

Ne'er  pays  he  lead  regard  to  truth — 
To  lie  and  fwear  is  "  nothing  loth." 
Illib'ral,  rancorous,  and  vile, 
Adept  in  ev'ry  fraud  and  guile —  80 

PofTefs'd  of  boundlefs  impudence, 
And  equal  flore  of  infolence — 
As  Haman  he  is  vain  and  proud — 
In  his  own  praifes  ever  loud : — 
His  writings  are  fo  bafe  and  mean,  85 

So  blackguard,  flupid,  and  obfcene — (n) 

in  whom  fuch  embellifhments  might  be  tolerable.  The  mfe&ion  has 
.extended  to  parliamentary  orators,  and  fome  celebrated  hiftorians  and 
political  writers,  who  have  difhonoured  f hemfelves  by  foftering  fuch  di£» 
.graceful  prejudices. 

(I)    IMITATION. 

"  Look  at  his  vifage,  and  agree, 
"  Half  hang'd  he  feems  ;  juft  from  the  tree 
"  Efcap'd.     A  rope  may  fometimes  break  ; 
"  Or  men  be  cut  down,  by  miftake."  CHURCHILL. 

C m)  The  extracts  from  Porcupine's  Gazette,  in  proof  of  thefe  very 
ftrong  charges,  are  unavoidably  poftponed  to  No.  2,  of  this  work. 
(n)  The  ftyle  of  Porcupine's  Gaze<te  is  unqueftionably  the  molt 


14  THE    PORCUPINIAD. 

That  ages  hence  will  not  efface 

The  dire,  th'  ineffable  difgrace, 

Which  from  his  Grub-ftreet  works  proceeds, 

And  calculation  far  exceeds.  90 

Before  our  hero  wing'd  his  flight, 
His  Mentor  did  his  orders  write, 
To  regulate  his  bold  career, 
And  give  the  chart  by  which  to  fleer, 
And  'feape  the  flioal — the  hidden  rock,        95 
Which  might  his  pinnace  rudely  mock, 
And  to  the  bottom  quickly  fend  her, 
Beyond  the  fkill  of  man  to  mend  her : 

"  Republics  and  their  friends  decry,  (o) 
And  monarchy  raife  to  the  fky  :  100 

Enhance  the  glories  of  a  court, 
Of  law — of  order — the  fupport— * 

bafe  and  wretched  of  any  newfpaper  in  Chriftendom.  I  believe  there 
never  was  a  Gazette  Co  infamous  for  fcurrility,  abufe,  curling,  fwearing, 
and  bldfphemy,  except  that  of  Hebert,  the  pere  Duchene,  who  figured 
on  the  ftage  in  the  early  part  of  the  French  revolution.  Cobbett,  when 
hard  preffed  in  argument,  calls  his  opponent,  rafcal,  fcoundrel,  villain, 
or  thief,  or  defires  him  to  "  go  to  the  devil."  By  this  eloquent  mode 
he  doubtlefs  carries  conviction  to  his  readers,  and  triumphs  over  his  ad- 
verfaries.  "  In  the  devil's  name,"  may  be  found  in  his  paper  fifty  times. 
That  phrafe,  "  what  the  devil,"  and  "  by  heaven  .'"  are  as  commonly  in- 
troduced to  fill  up  chafms,  as  they  are  in  the  familiar  converfation  of  the 
refidents  of  St.  Giles's  and  Billingfgate.  See  Appendix  B. 

(o)  Among  the  number  of  aftonifliing  circumftances  "attending  the 
career  of  the  illustrious  personage  whofe  encomium  I  have  undertaken, 
it  is  not  the  leaft,  that  in  a  country  of  which  the  government  is  repub- 
lican, and  among  a  people  of  whom  nine-tenths  are  'republicans  from 
principle  and  conviction,  a  man  mould  have  met  with  fuch  general  coun- 
tenance, who  has  rarely  ever  let  efcape  him  an  opportunity  of  venting 
his  malice  againft  the  <  LEPROSY  OF  REPUBLICANISM,'  as  it 
has  been  modeftly  ftiled.  His  vile  gazettes  every  where  abound  with 
fallies  of  this  defcription.  '  VANITY'*  fays  he  «  HAS  EVER 
<  BEEN  THE  CHARACTERISTIC  OF  REPUBLICANS.'  Very 
well  faid,  mr.  Cobbett ;  very  candid,  indeed.  It  would,  however,  be 
no  eafy  matter  to  find  a  republican  whofe  '  vanity'  equalled  the  impu- 
dence that  could  have  led  corporal  Cobbett  to  advance  this  falfe  ailVr- 
tion  in  a  republican  country,  where  he  had  rifen  from  the  loweft  ftate, 
to  riot  in  pomp  and  fplendor.  See  Appendix  C. 

*  Porcupine's  Gaz^te,  July  23,  1798. 


THE   PORCUPINIAD.  r5 

And  eke  of  church  eftablifhment, 

That  folid  prop  of  government : 

Of  morals — of  obedience  too —  105 

Of  ev'ry  thing  that's  great  or  true : 

Show  how  unfit  the  people  are 

T'  enjoy  of  government  a  fhare — 

To  anarchy  how  freedom  turns, 

And  fubordination  proudly  fpurns.  no 

«  The  Irifh  <  outcafts'  vilify, 
Paint  all  their  deeds  of  blackeft  dye. 
In  Ireland,  fwear,  fo  mild's  our  fway, 
That  none  our  orders  difobey, 
Save  lawlefs  villains,  wretched  herd  !         115 
Unworthy  of  the  leaft  regard ; 
Wild,  vicious,  difcontented,  -rude, 
A  turbulent  and  factious  brood. 
Show  how  their  linen  trade  we've  chermVd, 
Arts,  fciences,  and  commerce  nourifh'd  :   120 
How  we  have  fent  them  priefts  and  levites, 
With  judges,  viceroys,  and  their  fav'rites  : 
How  for  their  fons  we  well  provide          "^ 
In  armies  and  in  fleets,  our  pride, 
Which  fpread  our  glories  far  and  wide,    j  125 
How  Luther  we've  'gainft  Calvin  arm'd, 
And  both  with  Catholics  alarm'd  ; 
Left  they  Ihould  difobedient  be 
And  madly  feek  for  Liberty — 
A  ftrumpet  vile  and  impudent,  130 

Sworn  foe  to  regal  government. 

"  And  all  this  purely  for  their  good ; 
Yet  this  accurft  ungrateful  brood, 
Unmindful  of  our  ceafelefs  care,  ^ 

With  matchlefs  impudence  prepare,      >    135 
Rebellion's  bloody  flag  to  rear.  ) 

(p)    IMITATION. 

"  Say,  at  what  period,  did  they  grudge, 

"  To  fend  you  governor  or  judge  ; 

u  With  all  their  miffionary  crew, 

;i  To  teach  you  law  und  gofpel  too  ?"         M'FINGAL. 


£  THE    PORCUPINIAD. 

But  of  the  race  we'll  purge  the  land  ; 
None  fhall  our  power  or  force  witMand. 

"  Should  e'er  the  wand'ring  wretches  darey 
For  flight  to  weftern  world  prepare,  140 

With  coarfe  abufe  you  muft  o'erwhelm 
Each  fugitive  that  leaves  the  realm  ; 
Them  and  adherents  ftigmatife, 
By  ev'ry  fcheme  you  can  devife. 

"  But,  mark  me  well,  'gainft  France  accuru> 
Of  all  our  foes  by  far  the  worft, 
Your  drafts  direft  with  utmoft  force, 
To  fraud  and  falfehood  have  recourfe  : 
Her  crimes,  her  follies  magnify,          ^ 
Her  friends,  her  leaders  vilify,  >      150 

And  her  oppofers  juftify.  —      3 

Print  Bloody  Buoys,  the  fools  to  fear*?, 
And  Cannibalian  Progrefs  rare  :   (q) 
Let  Rapine,  Cruelty,  and  Rapes, 
With  pallid  Murder,  in  all  fhapes,  155 

Stalk  horribly  through  ev'ry  page, 
With  infamy  to  blaft  the  age. 
When  impious  man  dares  raife  his  hand 
Againft  th'  anointed  of  the  land — 
Againfl  the  holy,  facred  few,  160 

To  whom  divinojure's  (r)  due, 
Defpotic  and  unbounded  fway ;  (s) 
Whofe  fubjefts  are  their  lawful  prey, 

fa)  Such  a  barefaced  literary  fraud  as  the  Cannibal's  Progrefs,  was 
never  perhaps'  attempted  before  in  any  part  of  the  world.     It  contains 
hardly  the  fhadow  of  truth— and  yet  it  has  been  circulated  through 1 1 
United  States  with  infinite  pains,  and  at  an  expenfe  that  would 
been  refufed  to  ufeful  objeas. 

(r)  "  JURE  DIVING  is  not  fo  filly,  at  laft,  as  it  has  been  la* 
"  fliionable  to  believe."* 

(s)    IMITATION. 

«  That  right  divine  from  heav'n  was  lent, 

"  To  kings  (that  is,  the  parliament) 

"  Their  fubje£ts  to  opprefs  and  teaze, 

«  And  ferve  the  devil  when  they  pleafe.'       M'FINGAL. 

*  P.  G.  December  30,  1797. 


THE    PORCUPINlAfr,  i? 

Created  folely  for  their  ufe  : 

Thefe  facred  maxims  introduce,  165 

Vile  <  Freedom's  leprofy'  to  heal, 

And  to  allay  her  burning  zeal. 

"  The  rebels,  too,  of  feventy-five, 
Whether  they're  dead  or  ftill  alive. 
You  muft  hold  up  to  public  fcorn,  170 

'Caufe  they've  Columbia  from  us  torn— 
A  glorious  land,  which  might  provide 
The  means  to  pamper  up  the  pride 
Of  all  our  numerous  kingly  race, 
St.  James's  treafure  and  its  grace  :  175 

There  had  they  gain'd  wealth,  titles,  pow'r  j 
But  all  was  loit  in  lucklefs  hour, 
When  the  redoubted  hero,  Gage, 
'Gan  with  provincial  force  engage — 
When  independence  was  proclaim'd,  180 

And  vile  confederation  fram'd. 

"  Their  leader,  Franklin,  (t)  moft  accurft^ 
Of  revolution  fchemer  firfl — 
Him  and  his  race  with  rage  purfue, 
And  all  the  bafe,  rebellious  crew.  185 

Blaft  their  fair  fame  with  vile  abufe 
'  Againft  them  let  the  furies  loofe.  ^ 

"  Our  former  power  to  regain, 
And  o'er  Columbia  once  more  reign, 
Let  that  your  conftant  objecl  be,  190 

For  which  behold  a  recipe. — 

ft)  The  degree  of  rage  difplayed  by  Cobbett  agaiuft  many  of  the 
obje&s  of  his  hatred  and  malice,  is  in  an  exadl  ratio,  with  their  exer« 
tions  during  the  American  war.  To  pafs  over  others,  how  elfe  could 
we  account  for  his  rancour  againft  dr.  Franklin  ?  This  ornament  of  A- 
merica  was  in  his  peaceful  grave,  before  the  gallant  corporal  vifited  thefe 
fhores.  But  this  did  not  mield  him  from  Cobbett's  abufe.  Like  the 
viper  in  the  fable,  he  broke  his  envenomed  tooth  biting  at  the  folid  re- 
putation of  the  electrician,  whom  he  conftantly,  with  his  ufual  Boeotian 
wit,  ftyles  "  old  lightning  rod;'1  thus  malignantly  and  envioufly  at- 
tempting to  render  a  difco'very  of  great  importance  to  mankind,  a  fource 
of  obloquy  and  reproach. 

4  In  his  dark  mind,  revenge  and  envy  roll*' 
G 


ift  THE    PORCUFINIAIT/ 

"  If  factions  rage  within  the  land,  (*u) 
T'increafe  then  lend  a  helping  hand : 
Fell  difcord,  jealoufy,  and  hate,  ^ 

You  mud  or  find,  or  elfe  create,  >  195 

And  widely  fpread  throughout  the  ftate.  j 
O  heav'ns  !  could  their  petty  jars 
Fomented  be  to  civil  wars — 

(v}  How  faithfully  Cobbett  has  complied  with  this  injunction,  ic- 
evinced  by  the  exifting  ftate  of  things  in  the  United  States,  compared 
•with  the  paft.  Certain  it  is,  that  the  extenfive  circulation  of  his  poi- 
fonous  papers,  has  effected  a  very  confiderable  change  in  the  American 
character.  The  fpirit  of  perfecution  prevails  here  at  prefent,  with  vaft 
numbers  of  people,  in  a  degree  not  very  far  inferior  to  that  which  im- 
molated its  victims  at  Smithfield,  under  Henry,  Mary,  and  Ellizabeth, 
and  on  St.  Bartholomew's  day,  under  the  cruel  and  imbecile  Charles 
IX.  In  fact,  we  have  made  a  retrogade  movement,  and  plunged  into 
the  cimmerian  darknefs  of  paft  ages,  which  we  pride  ourfelves  in  excel- 
ling. It  is  true,  we  are  not  fo  very  intolerant  in  refpect  of  religion, 
as  our  anceftors  ;  but  the  fpirit  of  perfecution,  directed  to  a  different 
object,  gains  ground  daily.  And  h  is  of  little  confequence  to  a  man 
who  is  diftreffed  and  harraffed  for  his  opinions,  whether  thofe  opinions 
sire  political  or  religious.  By  flow  degrees,  men  imbibe  the  lamentable 
and'delufive  idea,  that  all  who  differ  from  them  in  opinion  are  villains. 
Hence  ariie  jealoufies,  hatred,  and  difcord — and  hence,  too,  the  dread- 
ful fpirit  of  perfecuticn,  a  fpirit  whofe  infuriate  rage 

"  Has  play'd  fuch  pranks  before  high  heav'n 
"  As  made  e'en  angels  weep." 

This  fpirit,  the  moft  tremendous  of  the  curfes  that  iftued  from  Pan- 
dora's box,  Cobbett  has  wickedly  foftered  with  as  much  induftry  as  ever 
any  incendiary  employed.  "  It  is  time,"  fays  he,  "  that  the  foes  of  the 
nation  (that  is,  every  man  luho  does  not  implicitly  believe  in  the  infalli- 
bility of  bis  politics)  «  SHOULD  FEEL  ITS  RESENTMENT." 
Whether  they  are  to  feel  it  by  banifhment,  imprifonment,  or  death,  he 
does  not  explain  here  :  however,  next  line  clears  up  the  difficuty.  "  If 
"  they  love  France,  to  France  let  them  go."  (That  is,  let  them  be  buirt- 
ed  out  of  society-^-let  them  be  banished  from  our  shores.)  "  It  is  mere 
"  nonfenfe  to  fay,  that  the  politics  of  a  man  ought  to  be  no  exception 
<c  to  him  in  the  common  concerns  of  life."  (It  must  surely  be  nonsense^ 
for  the  great  CoBBErr  HIMSELF  says  so,  to  buy  bread — or  meat — or 
cloatbing—or  any  other  article,  from  a  man  whose  opinions  on  politics 
differ  from  those  of  the  purchaser  !  We  ought  to  employ  no  man  but  such 
as  think  as  we  do  ! )  "  A  man's  politics,  at  this  time,  are  every  thing. 
«  I  WOULD  SOONER  HAVE  MY  WOUNDS  DRESSED  BY 
«  A  DOG  THAN  A  DEMOCRAT."*  Such,  O  heavens !  are  the 

*  P.  G.  June  7,  1798. 


THE    PORCUPINIAD.  ^ 

Could  we  New  Englanders  excite,  ( iv  ) 

Againft  the  fouthern  ftates  to  fight —         200 

Could  we  the  clangor  raife  of  arms, 

And  fpread  of  war  the  dire  alarms — 

Could  we  the  furies  raife  from  hell, 

As  erfl  was  done  by  magic  fpell, 

And  make  them  rage  from  (here  to  more,    205 

Our  long-lofl  fway  we  might  reftore : 

That  Liberty  for  which  they  burn'd, 

To  anarchy  fo  quickly  turn'd, 

Would  make  them  loath  her  very  name, 

And  kingly  pow'r  once  more  proclaim.      2 1  o 

"  Thefe  vafl  defigns  demand  great  care, 
Much  craft  and  fraud,  with  cunning  rare  : 
The  ftrongeft  party  mufl  be  thine, 
In  all  their  views  be  fure  combine ; 
Cajole  them  by  each  art  and  fraud,  215 

Their  proje&s  all  you  muft  applaud. 

doctrines  of  a  man  who  hypocritically  profeffes  a  regard  for  the  gofpel 
.of  Jefus  Chrift,  a  gofpel,  which  orders  us  "  to  love  our  enemies" — and 
"  do  good  to  thofe  that  hate  us  I"  Yet  this  Pharifee,  inftead  of  preach- 
ing peace,  and  good  will,  preaches  hatred  and  ftrife,  and  even  civil  war  ! 
And  he  has  the  diabolical  iatisfa&iori  of  feeing  that  he  has  not  laboured 
in  vain— that  he  has  deftroyed  a  great  deal  of  the  benign  fpirit  of  cha- 
rity and  forbearance,  that  charadlerifed  and  reflected  honour  on  Ame- 
rica. Influential  and  enlightened  men  of  all  parties,  ought  to  combine 
their  efforts  to  extinguifh  this  fanatic  fpirit,  remembering  the  inftruc- 
tive  motto — *  United,  we  ftand — divided,  we  fall.' — This  is  a  moft  mo- 
mentous fubjedl ;  for  fhould  the  flame  of  the  angry  paffions  be  fanned 
and  cherifhed  much  longer  with -a  fuccefs  equal  to  what  has  attended 
Cobbett's  pad  exertions,  no  good  man  can  anticipate  the  probable  iffue, 
without  horror. 

(w)  The  jealoufies  natural  to  the  different  divifions  of  the  United 
States,  are  numerous,  and  ought  to  be  allayed  by  every  means  in  the 
power  of  good  citizens.  Nothing  threatens  fo  much  to  difturb  the 
peace,  or  mar  the  profpects  of  America,  as  the  hoftility  thence  ariting. 
How  execrable,  then,  muft  be  the  views  of  thofe  who  are  inceffantly 
on  the  watch,  to  fan  the  flames  of  difcord  between  the  northern  and 
fouthern  ftates  !  The  following  extract  from  general  Wamington's  fare- 
well addrefs,  demands  moft  ferious  attention  : 

"  In  contemplating  the  caufes  which  may  difturb  our  Union,  it  oc- 
"  curs,  as  a  matter  of  ferious  concern,  that  any  ground  mould  have 
"  keen  found  for  chara&erifing  parties  by  GEOGRAPHICAL  difcrimina- 
.«  tions— NORTHERN  and  SOUTHERN ATLANTIC  and 


THE    PORCUPINIAD. 

With  incenfe  ply  the  «  powers  that  be/ 

And  at  their  altar  bend  the  knee  : 

Of  politics  whate'er's  their  plan, 

Be  you  their  brawling  partifan  :  22O 

Revile,  defame,  abufe  their  foes, 

And  all  their  views  be  fure  oppofe. 

Fed'ralift  and  and  be  the  fame  (#) 

To  you,  if  anfwer'd  be  your  aim. 

'  Go,  Cobbett,  go.     This  tafk  be  thine  ; 

And  to  reward  thee  well  be  mine. 

Honor  and  wealth  mall  on  thee  wait, 

Should'ft  thou  this  project  grand  complete. 

The  rebel  child  IhoulcTft  thou  reftore 

Unto  her  mother's  gripe  once  more,          230 

Thy  vaft  ambition  can't  demand 

A  boon,  which  I  mall  e'er  withftand. 

To  compenfate  fuch  fterling  merit, 

Thy  children  from  thee  (hall  inherit 
The^  honors  of  ennobled  name,  2ic 

(This  profped  may  thy  breaft  inflame) 
Lord  Porcupine  of  Porcupine  hall  ! 

Thy  grandeur  will  thy  foes  appal  ! 

Thy  dame  will  then  be  ftil'd,  "  my  Lady  •" 
Precedence,  honors,  all  are  ready,  240 

Thy  dang'rous  toils  to  compenfate, 
And  thee,  dear  Cobbett,  elevate 
Unto  the  facred  rank  of  peer. 
Fear  not,  my  friend,  the  fcornful  fneer, 


«  bdirf  Ttha^;  WhenCC  defi«W  men  ma7  endeavour  to   excite  a 
«  One  of  the  S  "       1 


e  who 

IMITATION. 


"  All  gods,  all  kings,  (let  his  great  aim 

Be  anfwer'd)  were  to  him  the  fame."       CHURCHILL. 


THE    PORGUPINIAD. 

Which  'gainft  the  nevus  homo's  rais'd  : 

Our  king,  you  know,  whene'er  he's  pleas'd, 

Can  even  Cobbetts  turn  to  Lords,  247 

By  potent  fpell  of  magic  words ;.  (y  ) 

Can  purify  plebeian  blood, 

And  raife  aloft  the  dunghill  brood  ; 

What  though,  ere  you  become  a  lord, 

By  all  good  men  you  be  abhorr'd — 

What  though,  the  finger  fix'd  of  Scorn 

Doth  point  you  out  as  wretch  forlorn,         254 

As  bafe,  abandoned,  fhamelefs,  vile, 

As  full  of  fraud,  deceit,  and  guile ; 

It  matters  not.     The  peerage  will 

The  murmurs  of  the  rabble  Hill, 

Your  follies  and  your  crimes  efface,  259 

And  from  your  foul  purge  all  that's  bafe ; 

You'll  quickly  great  and  virtuous  be, 

To  reward  your  fignal  loyalty." 

END  OF  CANTO  L 


IMITATION. 

"  For  titles  all  our  foreheads  ache  ; 

"  For  what  bleft  changes  can  they  make  ! 

"  Place  rev'rence,  grace  and  excellence, 

"  Where  neither  claim'd  the  leaft  pretence  ; 

"  Transform  by  patent's  magic  words, 

"  Men,  likeft  devils,  into  lords  : 

"  Whence  commoners  to  peers  tranflated, 

"  Are  juftly  faid  to  be  created."         M'FINGAL. 


APPENDIX. 


ILLUSTRATIONS. 

A.      PAGE   n. 
Line  20.     To  dlclate  to  our  government. 

Out  of  the  numberlefs  Inflames  of  the  Insolence  with  'which  Cobbctt  has 
a/umed  the  Office  of  Ditiator  General  of  the  United  States^  I  have 
felefted  the  following* 

U  T  TOW  long  will  America  forbear!  Will  nothing  roufe  her?  No; 
jLjL  I  am  afraid  nothing !  To  fuffer  fuch  a  commerce  as  this,  at 
this  time,  to  be  carried  on  by  the  enemy,  (hows  a  want  of  energy,  a  want 
of  public  Jpirit,  a  <want  of  courage,  a  want  of  every  thing,  on  which  the 
Jahation  of  the  country  depends."* 

"  If  congrefs  do  not  leave  off  trifling,  and  acl  with  energy,  and  that 
very  foon  too,  we  moft  certainly  fhall  fee  fomething  of  this  kind  in  courfe 
of  a  very  few  months,"i 

"  And  yet  our  congrefs  are  balancing — and  yet  villains  are  fuffered  open- 
ly to  juftify  the  conducl  of  France  towards  America.  A  government 
cannot  exift  long  under  fuch  circumftances."j 

"  There  MUST  be  no  trifling.  Private  confiderations  muft  give  way 
to  public  good."§ 

"  This  is  what  ought  to  have  been  done  long  ago.  I  mentioned  the 
necfjfitj  of  it  in  the  year  1795,  an(*  ^  ^  *S  nOt  VCr^  n  e^e<^ec^'  Ame- 
rica may  bid  farewell  to  her  mdependence."|| 

"  /  don't  like  innovations.  /  think  changes  in  a  conftitution  very 
ferious  things ;  but  a  remedy  muft  be  found,  and  that  foon,  againft  the 
dreadful  evil  of  foreign  influence,  or  all  is  loft."f 

"  There  is  no  doubt  but  the  federal  government  will  acl  juftly  on  this 
occafion,  as  on  all  others ;  but  I  will  not  fay,  that  it  will  aft  with  fuffi- 
cient  energy."** 

The  high  opinion  of  the  nations  of  Europe  "  was  founded  on  thpfe 
proceedings  of  congrefs,  which  indicated  <vuar;  thofe  meafures  which 
immediately  fucceeded  the  communication  of  the  difpatches,  and  not 
thofe  with  which  the  feffion  was  terminated;  not  thofe  ^which  tefified nei- 
ther patience  or  refentment;  but  a  mixture  of  anger  and  pufiilanimity. 
People  may  think  what  they  pleafe  of  this ;  but,  /  can  affure  them,  that 

*  Porcupine's  Gazette,  June  7,    1798.         +  June  25,   1798. 
J  June  27,  1798.         §  Auguft  3,  1798.      ||  Nov.  9,  1798. 
5  Nov.  9,  1798.        **  Nov.  12,  1798, 


APPENDIX.  23 

the  truths  which  /  now  fpeak,  will  be  recorded  by  the  impartial  hiftorian 
of  thefe  times."* 

"  What  muft  the  world  think  of  America,  when  they  fee  her  thus 
infulted  and  fcorned  by  a  power,  whom  (he  is  not  afhamed  to  call  her 
ALLY  —  Will  the  fpirit  of  this  people  never  be  roufed?"\ 

"  I  for  my  part  have  no  helitation  to  fay,  that,  if  he  is  not  expelled, 
or,  at  leaft,  if  he  does  not  quit  the  houfe,  /  (hall  never  more  think  ei- 
ther the  perfons  of  the  members,  their  opinions,  or  decifions,  worthy  of 
the  leaft  refpecl  or  attention."}; 

"  Congrefs  have  not  yet  formed  a  quorum  ;  but  it  is  expecled  they 
will  to-morrow.  The  great  queftion  is,  WHAT  WILL  THEY  DO  ? 
/  will  venture  to  predid. 

"  America  will,  as  the  fmall  federalifts  fay,  remain  firm  •  firm  as  a 
poft,  amidji  infults  and  injuries  innumerable.  The  politics  of  this  country 
are  exactly  defcribed  in  the  fublime  and  beautiful  language  of  Jofeph 
Hopkinfon,  efq. 

"  Firm,  united,  let  us  be, 
"  Rallying  round  our  liberty; 
"  As  a  band  of  brothers  join'd, 
"  Peace  xn&fafity  we  (hall  find." 

"  Are  not  you  in  raptures,  gentle  reader  ?  —  I  am  —  Being  firm,  rally- 
ing, joining  like  a  band  of  brothers,  and  all  this  to  find  out  peace  and  fafe- 
ty,  is  a  thought  that  charms  by  its  novelty,  no  lefs  than  it  aftonilhes  by 
its  fplendor. 

"  The  political  fyftem,  thus  poetically  defcribed,  will  be  purfued  by 
congrefs  with  an  undeviating  ftep.  They  will  feek  nothing  but  peace  and 
fafety  ;  and  it  will  fo  happen,  that  they  will  feek  them  juft  where  they 
are  not  to  be  found  ;  that  is,  in  half  meafures,  in  cramping  the  nerves 
of  the  executive  power,  and  in  the  dangerous  experiment  of  DELAY."§ 

"  All  men  now  agree  that  congrefs  ought  to  do  fomething,  and  that 
immediately  ;  and  if  they  do  not,  they  may  expeft  to  briug  on  themfelves 
all  the  odium  attached  to  fuch  indecifive,  I  had  almoft  faid,  criminal  con- 


"  When  I  publifhed  my  obfervations  at  the  bottom  of  the  PRESI- 
DENT'S meflage,  I  had  not  feen  a  fingle  foul  who  was  acquainted  with 
the  real  ftate  or  the  cafe  >  but  /  very  jlroitgty  fufpe&ed  that  the  federal  go- 
vernment was  deceived;  and,  I  believe,  my  readers  will  now  agree,  that 
my  fufpicion  was  not  without  foundation,"?! 

"  It  is,  and  always  has  been  my  opinion,  that,  if  a  war  does  not  take 
place  with  France,  and  if  an  alliance  is  not  formed  between  this  country 
and  Great  Britain,  one  ftipulation  of  which  (hall  be,  that  the  latter  pow- 
er (hall  never  make  peace,  leaving  Louifiana  in  the  hands  of  France;  if 
this  does  not  take  place,  I  have  not  the  leaft  doubt,  that  the  French  will 
foon  be  matters,  not  only  of  Kentucky,  but  of  all  the  weftern  countries 
of  thefe  dates.  And,  I  am  much  afraid,  that  no  fuch  alliance  will  take 
place."** 

*  Dec.  4,  1798.          f  January  15,  1798.         J  Feb.  12,  1798. 
§  Dec.  4,  1798.         |{  March  10,  1798.  !  July  2,  1798. 

**  Nov.  12,  1798. 


APPEND! 

"  Contrary  to  cuftom,  the  anfwer  to  the  prefident's  fpeech  took  up 
but  little  time  in  the  houfe  :  and  the  reafon  was  this : — there  is  nothing 
faid  about  France,  which  the  partifans  of  that  horrid  nation  could  pofli- 
bly  difapprove  of.  The  paragraphs  relating  to  France,  are  not  only  tame 
and  timid,  but  even  ridiculous. — "  In  lamenting  the  increafe  of  the  injuries 
offered  to  the  perfons  and  property  of  our  citizens  at  Tea." — Now,  one 
would  expert  to  fee  this  followed  by  the  language  of  indignation  and  re- 
venge :  not  at  all : — it  is  followed  by  a  grateful  acknowledgment  to  the 
fupreme  being  for  interior  tranquility  and  fundry  other  Unffings  !  ! — /  have 
no  objection  to  thankfgiving,  or  even  prayer.  Piety  is  always  laudable  ; 
but  this  part  of  the  buiinefs  might  have  been  left  to  the  chaplain.  At 
any  rate,  how  the  devil  can  our  "  interior  tranquility"  and  its  "  attendant 
bleffings"  be  called  "  an  alleviation'  of  the  robberies,  infults,  kickmgs, 
ballings  and  thumb-fcrewings,  which  the  failors  of  America  undergo  from 
the  French  ? — This  paragraph  is  perl  eft  nonfenfe :  it  is  a  fort  of  dog- 
logic,  that  dcfcends  beneath  all  human  comprehenfion ;  and  fo  I  leave 
it/'* 

"  A  few  fiifts  and  expedients  will  do  nothing.  What  is  to  be  done 
with  a  people,  pervaded  by  a  fpirit  prepared  tofiiffer?  The  cry  of  peace 
is  all  you  hear  a'mong  the  friends  of  government,  while  its  enemies  laugh 
and  rejoice  at  the  war  that  is  actually  carried  on  againft  it.  The  French, 
and  even  the  Spaniards,  infult,  rob,  manacle,  lalh,  and  torture  the  Ame- 
ricans ;  this  is  notorious.  And  what  do  thefe  good  creatures  do  in  return  ? 
Why,  they  fend  an  ambaflador  to  Paris.— And,  after  he  is  threatened  to 
be  put  into  a  guard-houfe,  and  finally  driven  out  of  the  country,  what 
do  they  do  then  ?  Why,  they  fend  two  more  to  join  him,  and  all  thefe 
are  ordered  to  repair  to  the  feat  of  tyranny,  to  re-cjlablijh  harmony  be- 
tween the  two  fifter  republics! ! — Not  to  demand  juitice;  not  to  fay,  if 
you  refufe  to  ceafe  your  depredations,  and  indemnify  us  for  the  millions 
you  have  feized,  we  will  make  reprifals,  we  will  appeal  to  arms.  No ; 
they  will  hold  no  fuch  language  as  this;  nor,  indeed,  would  fuch  lan- 
guage become  them  ;  for,  neither  the  congrcfs  nor  the  people  of  this  country 
would  enter  into  a  war  with  the  French,  though  they  were  to  tread  their 
guts  out."\ 

"  My  God  !  what  mnjt  the  people  of  England  think  of  this  government 
and  this' people  ! — If  America  goes  on  finking  before  this  vile,  this  bloody 
tyranny,  as  (he  has  done  for  fome  time  pail,  no  man  of  fpirit,  no  man 
that  has  a  fmgle  drop  of  independent  blood  in  his  veins,  will  remain  in  the 
country.— For  my  part,  I'll  never  be  a  fubjert  of  the  Parifian  defpots ; 
and  /  have  formed  my  refolution,  that  no  ties  of  intereft,  however  pow- 
erful, (hall  ever  keep  me  in  a  country  that  is  BASE  ENOUGH  TO 
BEND  THE  KNEE  BEFORE  THEM,  and  this,  I  am  much  afraid 
America  is  juft  upon  the  eve  of  doing. "± 

"  I  wonder  what  precious  patchwork  is  preparing  now.  Mr.  Daytort 
maybe  called  the  motion  tinker;  he  is  everlaftingly  mending.  It  is  his 
delight :  he  voted  againft  mr.  Coit's  amendment,  and  then  propofed  ano- 
ther of  exactly  the  fame  import."^ 

•f  November  29,  1798.        +  November  22,  1797.        J  Ibid. 
§  June  14,  1797. 


I 


APPENDIX. 


"  We  fee,  then,  it  is  underftood  in  London,  that  mr.  Pinckney  has 
been  ordered  away  ;  there  is  now  no  excufe  left,  no  room  for  an  apology  ; 
America  must  now  fhow  to  the  world  either  its  spirit  or  ITS  BASE- 
NESS."* 

"  Had  fome  devoted  tool  of  France  propofed  this  mollifying  amend- 
ment, /  fhould  not  have  been  furprifed  ;  but  /  really  am  furprifed,  and 
{hocked  too,  to  hear  it  from  mr.  Pinckney.  It  is  a  bad  beginning,  an 
evil  portent.  It  fays  to  me  plainly  :  "  lameness  is  to  be  the  order  of  the 

<teX."t 

"  It  is  almofl  impoffible,  that  fuch  a  thing  as  public  spirit  fhould  exift, 
under  fuch  a  load  of  humiliation  and  difgrace,  as  has  lately  been  heaped 
on  America.  When  things  come  to  this  pitch  ;  when  men  have  ufed 
every  effort,  exhaufled  every  refource,  ventured  their  fortunes  and  their 
lives,  for  the  prefervation  of  their  country's  honour,  and  ftill  rind  that 
it  is  all  in  vain,  they  are  very  apt  to  exclaim,  with  the  failor  in  the 
ftorm,  "  tie  up  the  helm,  and  LET  HER  DRIFT  TO  THE  DE- 


"  But  it  will  be  remembered,  though,  that  the  French  flag,  in  return 
for  it,  was  RECEIVED  BY  THE  AMERICAN  GOVERNMENT, 
and  by  every  branch  of  it  fu.  cctflively  ;  and  a  most  trifling  ',  cbildisb 
(not  to  say  shameful  and  scandalous)  exhibition  it  was."§ 

"  /  cannot,  for  my  part,  fee  the  neceffity  of  this  bill.  Was  not  bis 
txcellency  a  judge  of  the  work  ?  Or  was  it  thought  neceffary  to  give 
this  fort  of  security  for  the  payment  of  his  fubfcription  to  it  ?  —  If  fome 
copies  of  the  laws  were  wanted,  there  were  ctrtainly  many  other  ways 
of  providing  for  the  payment  of  them,  /would  have  included  it  among 
the  contingent  expenses  of  the  affembly  ;  among  the  flationary,  or  the 
fuel,  or  any  thing.  /  would  never  make  a  bill,  a  folemn  s£t  of  the  le- 
giflature,  for  fuch  a  trifling  object.  "|| 

"  1  declare  to  heaven,  that  I  would  fooner  vote  for  a  known  demo- 
crat ;  I  would  fooner  vote  for  CALLENDER,  than  for  CoiT."H 

"  And  yet  we  find  wretches  impudent  and  vile  enough  to  endeavour 
to  perpetuate  an  ill-founded,  and,  to  US,  deftruclive  prejudice  againft 
Britain  ;  a  nation  whofe  friendfhip  is  of  ineftimable  value,  and  not  more 
valuable  than  fincere.  Had  Great  Britain  detained  the  Weflern  pofts 
but  a  day  beyond  the  time  fixed  for  their  delivery  —  had  fhe  behaved  to 
our  officers  as  the  Spaniards  have  to  mr.  Ellicott  —  what  execrations 
•would  not  have  been  vomited  forth  againft  her  !  Mr.  Dayton  (the  honest 
fpeaker)  would  have  had  his  confiscating  irons  in  the  fire  in  a  moment, 
and  Monfieur  Smith  of  Baltimore,  would  have  again  called  forth  "  the 
American  youth,  whofe  independent  hearts  beat  high  for  an  opportunity 
to  signalize  their  valour."  But  now  that  the  infult,  the  wrong,  comes 
from  the  Spaniards  and  the  French,  it  is  all  very  well.  Not  a  fmgle 
voice  is  raifed  to  vilify  and  to  curfe  ;  the  American  youth  are  as  gentle 
as  lambs  :  their  hearts,  which  whilom  beat  fo  high,  now  lie  as  luinpiftt 
as  a  fteel  dumpling."** 

*  April  4,   1797.          f  Nov.  29,   1797.  \  Oft.  26,   1797. 

§  June  20,   1797.         ||  March  20,  1797.       It  June  9> 
**  June  17,  1797. 


zb  APPENDIX. 

"  Feafting  on  the  birth-day  of  general  Wafhington,  will,  believe  me, 
clo  no  good,  ivbile  ibe  hero  himself  is  at  Mount  Vernon,  and  keeps  bis 
person,  bis  opinions,  and  bis  very  name,  from  giving  weight  to  the  govern- 
ment and  a  sanction  to  its  measures.  Indeed  this  celebration,  this  dif- 
play  of  affection  and  gratitude,  though  highly  laudable  in  itlelf,  has  an- 
fwered,  at  the  prefent  time,  no  other  purpofe  than  that  of  exhibiting  an 
...;unt  contra^  and  of  difcoVering  a  feeming  coldnefs  towards  the 
MAX,  who  d.mJs  in  need  of  the  countenance  of  the  friends  of  the  coun- 
try, and  who  well  deicrves  their  confidence,  their  love,  and  gratitude. 
He  took  the  lulm  in  the  moment  of  danger,  of  greater  danger  than  ever 
icjis  knj-*n  t:}  ibis  country  ;  and  it  is  he,  who  ought  to  be  the  objed  of 
fupport,  of  cordial,  hearty,  and  open  fupport — I  have  been  led  into  this 
lad  topic  rather  unwarily,  but  /fee  not  a  word  that  /will  blot.  I  have 
expressed  my  sentiment,  and  however  they  may  differ  from  those  of  others, 
I  am  confident  that  they  are  just  and  pertinent."* 

"  As  to  mr.  Dayton's  old  faltified  ftory  about  lord  Dorchefter  and  the 
tomahawk,  there  is  now  hardly  any  one  flupid  enough  to  liflen  to  it  ; 
but,  fuppofe  it  was  true  ;  wlrat  was  the  danger  to  be  apprehended  from 
Canada,  compared  to  what  is  to  be  apprehended  from  the  French,  when 
once  in  poffefiion  of  the  land  bordering  on  our  wedern  and  fouthern  fron- 
tier ?  In  the  prefent  fituation  of  affairs,  it  is  almoft  an  infult  to  the 
readers  of  a  public  paper,  to  attempt  to  controvert  the  grots  abfurdities 
contained  in  the  fpeech  of  the  fpeaker  [mr.  Dayton],  He  is  either  ftone- 
blind  himftlf,  or  he  wants  to  put  our  eyes  out :  if  the  former,  he  is  an 
object  of  our  pity  ;  if  the  latter,  of  our  contempt. 

"  His  compliment  to  his  condiments  will  avail  him  little  :  no  more 
than  their  zeal  in  the  defence  of  their  country  will  avail  it,  if  he  fucceeds 
in  tying  their  hands.  They  were  in  hopes  he  was  reformed  ;  he  lias  un- 
deceived them."t 

"  That  law  mud  continue  in  force  and  mnd  be  ftrictly  executed  too, 
and  not  remain  a  dead  letter,  as  it  now  does,  or  America  is  ruined.":}: 

The  audacity  of  the  following  paragraphs  perhaps  exceeds  all  Cob- 
bett's  former  impudence.  The  prefident  of  the  United  States  no- 
minated mr.  Vans  Murray  to  negotiate  with  the  French  directory. 
Cobbett  affeded  not  to  credit  the  report ;  and  under  the  flimfy  cover  of 
that  diibelief,  reprobated  the  meafure  in  an  unqualified  manner,  and 
lavHhed  on  the  prefident  the  mod  pointed  reproaches.  Thus  it  is  evi- 
dent, that  Cobbett's  approbation,  difgraceful  as  it  is,  cannot  be  fecured 
on  any  other  terms  than  by  fubmitting  to  his-  dictatorfhip  !  !  ! 

"  For  thefe  two  days  lad  pad,  there  has  been  a  mod  atrocious  falfe- 
hood  in  circulation.  The  "  True  Americans,"  Duane  and  Bradford, 
have  roundly  afferted,  that  the  prefident  of  the  United  States  has  inti- 
mated by  meffage  to  the  fenate,  that  he  has  refolved  on  fending  another 
plenipotentiary  to  treat  with  the  French  republic  .' .'  /  Every  one  mud  per- 
ceive falfehood  on  the  front  of  this  ;  yet  have  the  audacious  wretches 
above  mentioned  dared  to  promulgate  it,  without  limitation  ;  nay,  they 
have  even  named  the  plenipotentiary  (mr.  Murray,  now  a^the  Hague)  ; 
and  Bradford  has  gone  fo  far  as  to  fay  that  he  derives  his  information  from 

*  March  6,  1798.         t  June  20,  1797.         \  Nov.  9,  1798. 


APPENDIX.  27 


a  senator,  who  told  him,  befides,  that  mr.  Murray  was  not  to 
Holland,  'till  be  had  the  mod  unequivocal  aflurance,  that  he  would  be 
properly  received  at  Paris  ! 

"  I  have  not,  indeed,  made  any  enquiry  into  the  matter,  NOR  DO 
I  THINK  IT  WORTH  WHILE.  I  have  too  much  refped  for  the 
prefident,  too  much  confidence  in  his  wif  lorn,  to  fuppofe  the  thing  pof- 
iible.  He  has  repeatedly  declared  that  nothing  was  to  be  hoped  for  from 
the  justice  of  France  ;  all  his  fpeeches,  his  meffages,  and  his  anfwers  to 
addreffes,  {peak  the  fame  language  ;  they  inculcate  the  impolicy  of  ever 
truftin^-  to  the  promifes  of  the  rulers  of  France  ;  and  in  one  of  his  mef- 
fages  he  foLmnly  declares,  that  he  never  will  send  another  minister  to 
treat  --with  her,  'till  he  receives  ample  assurances  of  bis  being  received 
as  the  minister  of  a  great,  powerful,  free,  and  independent  nation  ! 
After  this,  would  it  not  be  the  groffeft  infult  to  fuppofe  it  pofiible  for 
him  not  only  to  fend  another  minifter,  but  to  leave  that  minister  to  judge 
of  the  assurances  respecting  his  reception  ? 

"  Ever  fince  the  prefident  has  been  in  the  chair,  he  has  been  com- 
plaining of  the  conduit  of  France.  He  has  publifhed  the  injuries  of 
America  to  the  world  in  volumes  ;  be  has  mads  the  .welkin  ring  with  her 
cries,  and,  latterly,  with  her  threats  of  revenge  ;  and,  fli:;ll  we  believe 
that  her  wounds  are  to  be  healed  and  all  her  mortal  wrath  affuaged,  by 
one  footh'mg  letter  from  the  pen  of  Talleyrand  to  the  sentimental  mr. 
Murray  I  And  fliall  we  believe,  that  a  negotiation,  which  was  thought 
of  fuch  importance  as  to  require  the  united  wifdom  of  three  of  the  moft 
profound  and  experienced  politicians  in  America,  can  now  be  entrufted 
to  one  man,  and  he  of  very  slender  political  abilities  ?  Shall  we  believe 
that  this  negotiation  is  now  looked  upon  as  a  mere  bye  job,  which  an  en- 
voy at  the  Hague  may  perform  in  a  trip  to  Paris,  without  any  interrup- 
tion to  his  ordinary  functions  ? 

"  With  the  very  laft  meffage  to  the  houfe  of  representatives,  th? 
prefident  fends  the  houfe  a  copy  of  a  letter  from  lord  Grenville  to  mr. 
King,  which  clearly  proves  the  exiftence  of  a  French  decree  for  putting 
to  death  all  Americans  found  on  board  fhips  belonging  to  the  enemies  of 
France.  Lord  Grenville  calls  this  an  atrocious  decree,  unexampled  in 
the  annals  of  the  world,  and  affures  the  American  minifter  of  the  king's 
refolution  to  protect  thofe  Americans  who  may  be  found  under  his  flag, 
or  to  revenge  their  death  by  the  moft  rigorous  retaliation  on  Frenchmen; 
This  the  prefident  certainly  communicated  by  way  of  example  to^con- 
grefs  ;  and,  left  they  mould  count  upon  the  suspension  of  the  decree, 
he  tells  them  to  "  remember  that  the  arret  of  the  executive  directory, 
of  the  2d  of  March,  1797,  remains  in  force  ;  the  third  article  of  which 
fiibjects  explicitly  and  exclusively  American  seamen  to  be  treated  as  pi- 
rates, if  found  on  board  ships  of  the  enemies  of  France."  —  Now,  this 
toeffage  was  fent  to  the  houfe  on  Saturday  laft  ;  and  can  it  be  believed, 
that  THE  MAN,  who  gave  this  under  his  hand  and  feal  on  Saturday, 
could,  on  Monday,  propofe  to  fend  another  minifter  to  treat  with  the 
very  power  who  had  paffed,  and  who  ftill  held  unrepealed,  the  bloody 
decrees  of  which  he  complains  ? 

(<  I  will  not  expatiate^on  the  consequences  of  fuch  a  ftep  en  the  part 
of  the  prefident  ;  becaufe  /  cannot  suppose  ths  step  itself  within  the  com- 


5*  APPENDIX. 

pass  of  possibility  ;  but,  I  will  juft  obferve,  that  had  he  taken  fnch  a. 
ftcp,  it  would  have  been  inftantaneoufly  followed  by  the  lofs  of  every 
friend  worth  his  preferving.  To  gain  and  topreferve  friends,  a  ftatefman 
muft  aft  with  vigour,  fteadinefs,  and  confiftcncy  ;  he  muft  encourage  his 
friends  by  fhowing  them  that  he  profits  from  their  friendfhip  j  he  rnuft 
clap  his  own  moulder  to  the  wheel,  and  maintain  the  ground  that  bus 
been  gained  for  him  ;  for,  thofe  men  muft  be  more  than  mortal,  who 
will  perfevere  in  the  Sifyphean  talk  of  fupporting  a  government  that  is 
everlaftingly  recoiling."* 

"  The  Prefident. 

When,  in  yefterday's  paper,  /endeavoured  to  convince  my  readers  of 
the  total  falfehood  of  the  report.  refpecYmg  a  renewal  of  the  negotiation 
m>itb  France,  I  proceeded  only  upon  prefumption — upon  the  internal  evi- 
dence. /  have  lince  heard  nothing  to  alter  my  opinion  ;  and  1  feel  hap- 
py in  the  aflu ranee  that  /  never  mall. 

li  Confident  as  I  am  that  this  calumnious  report  is  a  mere  fabrication 
intended  to  alienate  the  president's  friends  from  him  at  this  momentoies 
cnfis,  and  TO  SINK  HIS  CHARACTER  IN  THE  EYES  OF 
ALL  EUROPE  AS  WELL  AS  ALL  AMERICA,  I  {hall  keep  to 
my  resolution  of  yefterday,  not  to  comment  on  the  consequences  of  THE 
ODIOUS  MEASURE,  which  thefe  flanderous  newfpapers  tell  us  is 
adapted."  f 

B.     PAGE  13. 
Line  86.     So  blackguard,  flupid,  and  obfcene. 

I  SHALL  lay  before  the  readers  a  few  fpecimens  of  the  "  black^ 
guard,  ftupid,  and  obfcene"  ftyle  of  this  six-pence-a-dqy-man,  to  evince 
how  richly  he  has  deferved  the  patronage  he  has  experienced. 

"  As  you  are  going,  font  re  le  camp."\ 

"  What,  in  the  name  of  the  devil's  name,  does  Blount  mean  ?"§ 

"  Ah  1  poor  Prieftley  !  don't  you  wifti  the  DEVIL  had  every  foul 
of  them  ?  That  you  do."|| 

"  Here,  again,  is  another  inftance  of  what  thtfr6g*eating)  man-cat- 
ing,  blood-drinking  cannibals  intended  to  impoie  on  America.''^ 

"  The  devil  help  them  !  as  Paddy  faid.  They  merit  it  all  and  ten 
times  more."** 

"  Never  had  mortal  fo  many  envious,  bafe,  rafcally  enemies  to  com* 
bat,  as  I  have.  It  would  feem  as  if  HELL  had  vomited  forth  its  very 
dregs  againfl  me.  ******  ]sjO)  yOU  lase  scoundrel,  I  would  not. 
BY  HEAVEN!  all  America  does  not  polTefs  treafure  enough  to  pur- 
chafe  from  me  fuch  an  acknowledgment, "ff 

"  Blasted  be  the  Briton,  who  continues,  after  this,  to  give  his  cuf- 
tom  or  his  countenance  to  this  defamer  of  our  nation!  Yet,  there  will 

*  P.  G.  Feb.  20,   1799.      t  Feb.  21,   1799.          \  June  7,  1798. 
§  June  9,  1798.  I]  June  9,  1798.          f  July  14,  1798* 

2,  1798.  ft  July  5,  1798. 


APPENDIX. 

iere  will  be  found  rampant,  fpaniel-like  creatures,  who  will 
even  crawl  to  the  long-earecl,  pedantic  animal,  and  folicit  another  jerk 
from  his  infolent  hoof."* 

"  They  (the  editors  of  the  Analytical  Review)  are  a  fet  of  SCOUN- 
DRELS fold  to  France."t 

"  Thou  pedantic  coxcomb  1  thou  filly  projector  !  thou  lying  footh- 
fayer  !  thou  trimming  politician  !  thou  nauieous  and  deteftable  quack  1"| 

«  Thefe  ENLIGHTENED  VAGABONDS,  (the  ftudents  at  Wil- 
liam and  Mary  college),  have  only  profited  from  the  example  of  THE 
VAGABONDS  THEIR  BETTERS."^ 

u  I  fay,  beware,  ye  underftrapping  cut-throats,  who  Walk  in  rags,  and 
fleep  midft  Jiltb  and  vermin  ;  for,  if  once  the  baiter  gets  round  your  flea~ 
bitten  necks,  howling  and  confeiTing  will  come  too  late."j| 

"  You  argue  in  the  manner  of  the  thieves  and  the  pick-pockets,  who 
furmtfe,  from  a  confcioufnefs  of  their  own  difhonefty,  that  all  the  world 
is  difhoneft.  A  WHORE  will  hardly  believe  that  any  woman  is  chafte  ; 
nor  you,  from  a  knowledge  of  your  infincerity,  that  any  prieft  is  fin- 
Gere.'^ 

"  I  wonder  if  he  would  fend  his  fift  into  the  face  of  any  cowardly, 
lick-dufl  lout  that  fliould  propofe  to  him  to  make  fuch  a  bale  declarati- 
on."** 

u  The  fun  of  liberty  bore  with  fuch  violence  on  our  ikulls  as  made  us 
dance  the  whirligig,  like  ducks  under  the  tropics. "ff 

u  It  has  been  faid,  that  the  theatre  '  is  a  fchooi  of  morality.'  Pre- 
cious feminary,  where  the  work  of  generation  is  all  but  performed  before 
your  eyes."^ 

"  Your  paper  is  thrown  about  like  puffs  for  curing  the  venereal  disease 
*  *  *  you  stinking,  chop-fallen  mortal,  you  know  better."§§ 

"  The  rafcally  printer  firft  contrives  to  get  his  paper  into  a  number  of 
hands,  and  then  notwithftanding  bis  hellish  principles,  he  is  fure  to  have 
the  advertifing  cuftom  of  all  the  men  of  property,  or  nearly  all."||jj 

"  The  female  Turban  was  firft  introduced  by  a  republican  whore  at 
Paris,  who  put  it  on  to  obtain  favour  in  the  eyes  of  the  Turkish  embaf- 
fudoiV'Hf 

"  Nothing  fhort  of  a  fmafhed  mouth,  a  kick  in  the  guts,  of  a  (lamp 
upon  the  fide  of  the  head,  can  be  a  proper  reply  to  fuch  an  exprellion."*** 

"  The  poor,  lifelefs,  contemptible  son  of  lampblack  has  again  ventur- 
ed to  mow  his  smuggy  front  in  opposition  to  me.  What  has  tempted 
him  I  know  not.  He  fays,  indeed,  fomething  about  my  perfonal  re- 
flections on  him  ;  but,  is  it  poffible  for  fuch  a  mean,  time-ferving  wretch 
to  have  any  feelings  .?"fft 

"  There  is  a  pettifogging  pimp  in  this  city,  who  has  had  the  impu- 
dence to  declare  that  I  ihall  be  RUINED.  Poor  defpicable  fhrimp  I 
Stripped  to  my  (hirt,  and  without  a  farthing  in  the  world,  I  fliould  be 

*  July  n,   1798.          f  July  17,  1798.          t  July  27?   1798. 
•§  Auguft  5,  1798.       ||  Sept.  7,  1798.          1  July  3,   1797. 

'  May  27,   1798.        ft   Feb.  13,  1798.          \\  March  10,   1798. 
;•$  March  23,   1798.      ||||  May  2,  1798.          fl  May  18,  1798. 
May  26,  1798.  ftt  Nov.  28,  1798. 


#** 


30  APPENDIX. 

better  off  than  he  is. —  At  prefent  I  fliall  not  name  him  :  but  he  will  be 
remembered.  His  name  is  on  my  black  list,  with  which  1  will  one  day 
or  other  aftonifli  "  a  duped  and  indtu.ttcd  world."* 

"  For  my  part,  I  cannot  give  expreflion  to  my  feelings.  If  ever  there 
were  perfect  happiness  in  the  world,  I  enjoy  it  at  this  moment.  I  fee 
fmiles  on  the  faces  of  all  my  friends,  and  I  fee  my  scoundrel  enemies 
:.ng  along,  with  their  heads  to  the  wall,  and  their  eyes  to  the  ground, 
as  if  they  were  feeking  for  a  sink-bole  to  creep  in  at. — They  are  sea-sick  : 
may  a  Sangrado  be  their  doctor  !"f 

"  This  was  written  by  one  of  the  greateft  flic-devils  (Madame  Ro- 
land) of  the  French  revolution.  Her  cornute  of  a  hufoand  had  the  im- 
pudence, in  1792,  to  addrefs  a  letter  to  the  king,  which  was  the  war- 
hoop  to  all  the  cannibals  in  the  nation,  and  actually  produced  the  af, 
fault  on  his  palace,  which  finally  led  to  his  deftruction.  This  letter  was 
from  the  pen  of  this  mifchievous  virago,  who  was,  at  laft,  dungeoned 
herfelf,  and  met  with  her  juft  reward  under  the  guillotine,  foon  after 
the  carcafs  of  her  bulley  fpoufe  was  found  half  eaten  by  the  birds  of 
prey,  in  the  forefts  of  Normandy — ,-What  the  flippant  political  flirew 
has  laid,  in  the  above  extract,  may  be  true,  or  it  may  be  be  falfe."| 

"  Charles  Fox  has  retired  from  parliament  and  the  hard  rubs  of  pub- 
lic life,  to  the  arms  of an  old  woman,  who  has  kindly  taken  him 

into  keeping. — Hard  indeed  muft  be  the  female's  lot,  who  is  compelled 
to  hire  the  favours  of  a  caricature  of  the  human  fhape."§ 

"  I  like  much  this  SCOUNDREL'S  calling  his  letter  a  kind  of  sup- 
plement tj  the  New  Annual  Register.  It  is  exceedingly  chapcteriftic  of 
the  principles  and  views  of  that  moft  partial  and  villainous  publication, 
which  is  conducted  by  a  fectarian  gang,  and  difperfed  by  a  bookfeller 
that  merits  the  execration  of  mankind."|| 

"  And  this  is  the  convicted  caitiff  who  fears  he  fliall  be  "  degraded" 
by  being  faid  to  be  in  a  controverfy  with  me.  A  controversy  ivitb  the 
DEVIL  would  do  him  too  much  honour."^ 

"  I  remember,  that  the  great  naturalift,  TOM  PAINE,  obferves,  in 
fome  one  of  his  philofophical  tracts,  that  the  Children  of  Israel  have 
degenerated  for  want  of  crossing  the  breed  ;  but,  matter  Flinn  feems  to 
hint  that  they  are,  at  New  York  at  leaft,  endeavouring  to  recover  the 
ancient  vigour  of  their  race."** 

"  If  hanging  is  fhortly  revived,  the  Knights  of  the  Post  will  be- 
come a  "  distinguished  order"  in  poor  Pennfylvania."tt 

"  You  low-lived,  skulking  calumniators  1  You  really  believed  the  tales, 
did  you  ;  and  thought  that  you,  in  your  turn,  might  venture  to  bark 
and  take  a  fnap  ?  I'll  drive  you  back  slinking  to  your  kennel  hiftoricai 
and  commercial. "J{ 

"  The  poor  Baltimorians  now  ft  and  gaping  at  each  other,  like  a  fa*, 
mily  of  chuckle-headed  children.'1^ 

"  And  fo  the  rafcals  would,  if  it'  had  been  to  damn  their  fathers  and 

1  Nov.  29,  1798.  f  Nov.  30,  1798.  \  March  14,  1798, 

§  July  27,   1798.  ||  Aug.  20,  1798.  f  Sept.  i,   1798. 

Au£- 3>  J79S»  tt  Dec.  16,   1797.  ft  Feb.  13,  1798, 
§5  Sept.  15,    1798. 


APPENDIX.  3i 

mothers,  A  pretty  fet  of  blackguards,  to  take  an  oath  to  free  the  ocean 
and  unshackle  commerce  '  They  are  perjured  as  dead  as  mutton  ;  that's 
a  clear  cafe  ;  and,  were  I  a  magiftrate,  I  would  have  all  their  ears 
cropped  in  lefs  than  a  week."* 

"  I'll  engage  they  get  but  little  fleep  for  fome  weeks  to  come  ;  for, 
though  the  froft  fliould  keep  the  fleas,  and  bugs  in  their  Winter's  quar- 
ters, yet  malice,  envy,  rage,  will  keep  them  awake."f 

"  Their  degraded  opponents  will  be  rotting  by  the  high  way  fide,  or 
stinking  on  gibbets,  or  wandering  through  foreign  lands,  loaded  with  mi- 
fery,  and  expelled  from  every  fociety  where  infamy  is  not  the  neceffary 
requifite  for  admiflion. — Already  they  begin  to  be  ftigmatlzed  as  the  re- 
fuse of  nations."^ 

"  He  is  an  m-looking  devil.  Plis  eyes  never  get  above  your  knees. 
He  is  of  a  fallow  complexion,  hollow-cheeked,  dead-eyed,  and  has  a 
tonte  en  semble,  juft  like  that  of  a  fellow  who  has  been  about  a  week  or 
ten  days  in  a  gibbet. "$ 

"  That's  a  good  haul,  fays  JOHN  BULL.  Put  in  your  pouch, 
John  ;  there's  a  good  fellow,  and  dont  fquander  it  away  upon  a  neft  of 
German  and  Dutch  and  Italian  rascals.  Stop  'till  markets  are  low, 
John,  and  then  buy  Brcft  or  Toulon  or  Dunkirk  with  it.  But  get  fure 
poffeffion  before  you  pay."|| 

u  At  the  time  when  Charley  Fox  got  kicked  out  of  the  Cabinet,  there 
was  a  caricature,  called  "-Renard's  last  Shift,"  in  which  this  animal  is 
reprefented  as  taking  flicker  undtr  a  certain  Duchess's  PETTICOATS. 
Poor  Renard  is  rather  too  old  now  to  receive  fuch  protection,  and  there- 
fore it  is  to  be  feared,  he  muft  be  worried  to  death  by  his  hunters,  or 
retire  and  quietly  expire  in  his  den. "5 

"  How  long,  in  the  devil's  name,  has  it  been  the  fafhion  for  the  CI- 
TIZENS to  give  their  inftru&ions  by  BATTALIONS  ?"** 

"  The  wretch  has  a  mod  thief-like  look.  He  is  ragged,  dirty,  has  a 
down-caft  with  his  eyes,  leans  his  head  towards  one  fide  as  if  his  neck 
had  had  a  ftretch,  and  goes  along  working  his  fhoulders  up  and  down 
with  evident  figns  of  anger  against  the  fleas  and  //ce."ft 

"  What  an  ugly  monfter  he  muft  be  when  he  howls.  In  the  moft 
pleafant  mould  of  his  features  he  is  ugly  enough  of  all  confcience  ;  but 
when  he  cries  he  muft  be  a  very  fright. — If  /  were  to  publifh  a  paper  in 
London,  /  would  never  call  this  WHIG  CLUB  anything  but  a  GANG. 
I  would  treat  them  as  mifcreants,  and,  /  think,  /  could  foon  procure 
them  like  treatment  from  the  people  in  general. "\\ 

"  But  BELLAMY,  though  a  villain,  is  a  fool,  and  has  written  a  letter 
which  makes  againft  his  mafters  rather  than  for  them.  It  is  curious 
to  fee  how  the  auki'jard  rascal  lies  backwards  and  forwards  ;  how  he 
jungles  and  shuffles  to  and  again  ;  how  he  flounces  about  like  a  buzzard 
in  a  net."$§ 

*  Dec.  22,   1797.          t  Feb.  24,   1798.          \  Jan.  21,   1799. 

§  Nov.  x6,   1797.          ||  Sept.  2,   1797.  f  Jan.  12,   1798. 

**  Sept.  12,  1797.      .ft  Sept.  17,  1798.       #  Sept.  17,  1798. 

§§  oa.  10,  1798. 


32  APPENDIX. 

"  After  the  reader  has  perufed  the  above,  and  curfed  the  infamour 
villains  with  becoming  emphafis,  &c."* 

"  Lucifer  from  the  flames  of  hell,  did  not  look  with  more  malice  to- 
wards the  throne  of  the  Mod  High,  than  they  do  now  towards  the 
throne  of  George  the  Third.  Let  them  writhe  in  anguifh  1  let  vultures 
tear  their  ferpent  hearts  l"f 

"  Silly  wretches  !  Thus  do  they  dance  to  the  cracked  fiddle  of  the 
Parifian  mountebanks  ;  and  they  will  continue  the  mazy  cotillion,  while 
there  is  a  plank  that's  uncaptured  or  a  ftiver  unexpended. "| 

**  Did  I  not  always  tell  you  fo  ;  Eh, — am  I  not  a  fortune-teller  ? 
Confefs,  you  fhort-fighted  mortals,  that  you  are  mere  boobies.  Confefs 
it,  and  I  will  pardon  all  your  trimming  rafcallity."§ 

"  Unlefs  they  turn  out  and  clap  their  moulders  to  tht  wheel,  I  mod 
fincerely  wifh  they  may  next  be  reprefented  by  a  Chimney  Sweep."|| 

"  However,  if  I  muft  prefc.ribe  a  remedy  I  muft.  I  would,  then, 
recommend  confinement,  in  the  fird  place  :  adly,  his  drink  fhould  be 
water,  and  his  food  bullocks  liver  ferved  out  with  a  fp;irmg  hand  :  sdly, 
he  fhould  be  conftantly  employed  in  that  polite  and  healthy  exercife, 
beating  of  hemp,  till  fuch  time  as  he  is  capable  of  making  a  rope  ;  and, 
4thly,  to  complete  the  cure,  he  mould  be  decently  tucked  up  in  his  own 
m  anu  f a  6lu  r  e . "  1 

"  Much  good  may  it  do  them,  as  the  old  miller  faid,  when  the  thieves 
carried  off  his  baiter."** 

u  It  is  wrong  in  fuch  a  man  as  Fenno,  to  abandon,  even  in  a  joke,  hh 
fuperiority  over  a  dull-edged,  dull-eyed,  haggard-looking,  hireling  of 
France."  ft 

u  PASTORET,  the  fellow  who  made  this  propofition,  is  a  cunning 
fcoundrel,  but  he  and  his  blackguard  colleagues  are  very  much  miftaken, 
if  they  think  to  blind  the  prefent  or  the  future  generation  by  the  erec- 
tion of  a  monument  or  the  nicknaming  of  a  fquare."|^ 

"  The  devil  can  quote  plays  as  well  as  fcripture,  we  fee.  This  Grat- 
tan  is  as  great  a  rafcal  as  Charles  Fox  or  Home  Tooke,  and  yet  he  talks 
of  his  country."$§ 

"  A  DEMOCRAT  (for  fuch  I  am  fure  he  is)  who  calls  me  "  Peter 
Porkepin,"  and  whofe  dirty  paper  is  a  fufficient  fign  of  his  poverty,  is 
informed,  that,  by  coming  up  my  back  yard  every  afternoon  about  two 
o'clock,  he  may  find  a  pretty  good  meal,  as  I  keep  neither  hogs  nor 
dogs."|||| 

"  It  would  be  mere  nonfenfe  for  the  man  to  go  out  and  lay  off  and  on 
fucking  his  fingers."*** 

"  No,  no,  if  you  mean  to  have  my  company,  get  me  half  a  dozen 
democrats  stu/ed  with  straw.  Nevermind  their  being  of  jour  own 
tribe.  In  thefe  degenerated  days,  dog  eats  dog,  and  furgeon  flays  fur- 
geon,  when  he  can  get  no  other  fubjedt. — 'Take  my  advice  :  throw  out 

*  Nov.  5,  1798.         t  Dec.   7,    1798.  J  Jan.  20,  1798. 

§  Jan.  30,   1798.          ||  Feb.  7,   1798. 

**  April  5,  1798.  ft  July  27,  1797-  tt  Au£-  8>   *797' 

§§  May  22,  1797.  HH  ***  May  25,  1798. 


APPENDIX-  33 

your  fnakes  and  your  aligators,  and  replace  them  by  the  more  venomous 
brutes  above  mentioned :  if  my  readers  have  condefcended  to  fwallow 
dead  fmall-beer,  they  ought  not,  for  that  reafon,  to  be  drenched  with 
ditch-water."* 

"  As  fwine  are  faid  to  be  fond  of  mufic  in  fnowy  weather,  1  have 
compofed  the  following  little  da  capo  air  for  the  fole  ufe  of  the  M' Langs 
of  New  York.  They  at  prefent  make  fuch  a  vile  monotone  grunting 
in  their  newf-paper,  that  I  am  perfuaded  thofe  who  have  the  misfortune 
to  live  near  their  fty,  will  think  themfelves  much  obliged  to  me,  if  I 
can  change  it  into  a  fqueak  or  a  whine."t 

"  A  United  Irishman,  if  he  calls  at  my  {hop,  will  find  his  performance 
unprinted  and  almoft  unread  ;  and  my  boy  will,  befides,  give  him  a  groat 
to  buy  a  cord,  which  he  will  pleafe  to  employ  for  the  benefit  of  focie- 
ty."| 

"  This  gentleman  is  fadly  hampered  between  his  firsts  and  ones  and 
his  Decembers  and  Novembers.  He  works  and  drives  about  like  a  poor 
fly  in  a  cup  of  treacle.  I  am  not  diverted  with  the  turmoilings  of  an 
unfortunate  purblind  creature,  whether  man  or  fly."§ 

"  Now,  what  do  thefe  garret  birds  deferve  for  this  ?  Two  contemp- 
tible animals  that  live  on  garlic  and  cheefe  ;  and  that  are,  I  dare  fwear, 
bitten  raw-boned  with  the  bugs,  have  here  had  the  effrontery  to  vilify 
me  and  my  friends. "|| 

"  I'd  fooner  have  a  fon  of  mine  under  the  tuition  of  a  COMMON 
THIEF,  than  fend  him  amongft  this  rafcally  feditious  crew." 

"  This  joy  muft  not  be  looked  upon  as  infpired  merely  by  the  taking 
a  privateer  of  twelve  guns  and  feventy  lousy  carmagnoles." 

"  The  Infurance  Company  of  this  city  have  come  to  a  refolution  not 
to  infure  any  veflel  or  cargo  bound  to  a  French  port  I — I  almoft  think  I 
hear  the  fans-culottes'  guts  grumble  at  the  very  found  of  the  news. — 
The  Lord  have  mercy  upon  the  poor  Frogs  now  1"H 

"  The  tyrants  know  they  have  not  veffels  ;  and  that,  if  they  had, 
they  would  not  dare  to  fhow  their  nofes  out  of  port.  They  know  that 
they  would  reach  hell  much  sooner  than  England  ;  and  that,  even  if  they 
fhould  reach  it,  their  carcaffes  would  ferve  to  enrich  the  land,  for  which 
purpofe  /  toisb  they  were  not  such  skinny  dogs  as  they  are." 

"  BRUTUS'S  effay  is  inadmiffible.  I  do  not  at  all  approve  of  this  figna- 
ture.  The  BRUTUSES  were  great  fcoundrels  ;  one  was  the  murderer 
of  his  children,  and  the  other  the  affaflin  of  his  friend.  Such  a  figna- 
ture  therefore,  becomes  no  writer,  except  an  unnatural,  ungrateful, 
bloody-minded  French  republican."** 

"  This  is  the  day  which  the  oppofition  (or  French  faction)  were  de- 
termined to  try  their  ftrength,  or  rather  their  weaknefs. — The  fat  Bed- 
fordshire Ox,  made  a  motion  in  the  houfe  of  lords,  for  the  dismission  of 
his  majestf  s  ministers  ;  which  after  a  very  long  debate,  was  negatived, 
113  to  13. Lord  Grenville's  speech,  on  this  occafion,  which  has  reach- 

*  May  5,  1798.         t  Jan.  30,  1798.         \  Jan.  n,  1798. 
§  Nov.  17,  1798-       II  Feb.  13,  1798.        1  May  28,  1798* 
**  July  13?  '797' 


34  APPENDIX. 

cd  me  in  the  newfpapers  and  alfo  in  a  pamphlet,  /  shall  do  myself  the 
honour  to  infert  it  in  my  paper  in  a  day  or  two."* 

"  There  is  in  Bradford's  paper  of  this  morning,  an  extraft  from 
DALLAS'S  REPORTS  (I  wonder  wbo  the  devil  made  him  a  Reporter) 
refpedting  contempt  of  court,  which  is  at  prefent  the  topic  of  all  the 
poor  little  coveys  of  chicken-hearted  citizens.  I  know  the  meaning  of 
this  extrad  ;  or,  at  leaft  I  know  the  reafon  of  Bradford's  dear  friend 
caufing  it  to  be  publifhed  at  this  time.  To  fpeak  in  the  dang  language, 
I  AM  UP  TO  IT.  Such  bug-a-boos  may  do  pretty  well  in  fearing 
sovereign  citizens,  but  I  can  aflure  the  public,  that  they  will  never  fcare 
me."f 

"  O  !  the  unfpeakable  excellence  of  this  brayer's  oracular  organs  ! 
Not  even  the  poffeffor's  tumid  eloquence  could  fufficiently  eulogize  them. 
The  reader  is  doubtlefs  impatient  to  know  their  uncommon  properties. 
They  ferve  reader,  for  fy-flapfers  !  they  poffefs  elafticity— -they  are 
highly  docile  and  obedient.  Often  does  the  parafite  entertain  his  friends 
by  wagging  and  cracking  his  potent  ears.  The  flies  never  inhabit  his 
little  gallipot  kennel,  filthy  as  it  is,  by  reafon  of  thefe  his  mortal  and 
deftroying  Jlappers."^ 

«  To  the  Right  Hon.  William  Pitt,  We.  We.  We. 

<  Befhrew  my  foul,  fir,  but  I  think  it  fomewhat  hard,  that  a  good 
old  faithful  foldier,  who  has  {lept  for  months  on  the  cold  earth,  who  has 
a  thoufand  times  ventured  his  life,  and  who  has,  perhaps,  loft  his  eyes 
or  half  h.s  limbs  m  His  Majefty's  fervice  ;  I  think  it  hard,  fir,  that 
fuch  a  man  fhould  receive  only  seven  pounds  ten  shilling  a  yen  tension, 
while  the  heirs  of  a  rafcally  old  waggon-master,  receive  fiftv  pounds  a 
year,  and  curse  the  king  with  his  morfel  in  their  mouths. 

You,  and  all  England,  {hall  hear  more  of  this  ungrateful  brood  here.' 
after,  m  the  mean  time, 

I  am,  Sir, 

Your  moft  humble, 

and  moft  obedient  fervant, 
November  23,  1797.  p.  PORCUPINE." 

C.      PAGE  14. 
Line  99.     Republics  and  their  friends  decry. 

^  Heavenly  God  !  where  are  we,  and  what  are  we  become  ?  Is  this 
the  fpirit  of  republicanism,  or  is  it  the  fpirit  of  slavery  ;  or  do  they  both 
mean  the  same  tbin%  .?"$ 

"  To  be  fure,  this  writer,  though  a  very  '  good  republican,'  was  a 
very  e;reat  rafcal ;  but  no  one  will  call  in  queftion  his  knowledge  of  the 
affairs  of  France  and  America,  when  informed  that  his  name  is  BRIS- 

ior/1 

*  June  i,  1798.    f  Oct.  24,  1797.    J  Oa.  26,  1797. 
§  Nov.  29,  1797.   ||  Sept.  8,  1797. 


APPENDIX. 


35 


«  REPUBLICAN  INGRATITUDE  IS  PROVERBIAL."* 

"  The  following  addrefs,  drawn  up  and  agreed  to  by  the  people  of 
BUXTON,  in  the  diftrift  of  Maine,  furpaffes  in  viknefs,  any  thing  I 
have  feen  among  the  NEWFANGLED  REPUBLICANS  ;  and  that 
is  saying  a  qreat  deal,  I  am  sure."? 

"  WHEN  I  SUSPECT  A  REPUBLICAN  OF  MODESTY, 
may  my  fenfes  forfake  me,  and  my  tongue  cleave  to  the  roof  of  my 
mouth  !"| 

"  The  French  affifting  the  l  tyrant  of  Sardinia'  to  quell  the  seditious 
fpirit  of  his  subjects,  is  all  that  was  wanted  to  complete  THE  FARCE 
OF  REPUBLICANISM.'^ 

"  Oh  !  the  manifold  bleffings  of  LIBERTY  and  EQUALITY  and 
REPUBLICANISM."!! 

u  Gracious  God  1  if  this  be  independence,  if  this  be  the  lot  of  a  so- 
vereign citizen,  make  me,  I  pray  thee,  the  subject  of  fome  dependent 
ftate."f 

"  Is  it  thus,  then,  to  be  a  REPUBLICAN  ?  Perdition  light  on  me, 
if  I  would  not  fooner  be  transformed  into  the  moft  loathfome  of  creeping 
things,  than  walk  erect  with  the  groveling  foul  of — • 1"  ** 

"  This  is  taken  from  the  Portland  Gazette,  and  it  is,  as  far  as  I  can 
recollect,  the  firft  inftance  of  political  candour,  that  I  ever  met  with  in 
a  thorough-paced  REPUBLICAN  newf-monger.  Men  of  this  {lamp 
are  generally  upon  the  shift.  They  will,  with  the  utmofl  unconcern, 
range  through  all  the  mazes  of  inconfiftency,  and  have  ever  a  flock  of 
excufes  at  command  on  whatever  fpot  you  detect  them.  The  Editor  of 
the  BOSTON  CENTINEL,  for  inftance,  like  feveral  others  of  the  fame 
cafl,  who  formerly  invoked  the  vengeance  of  Heaven  on  *  the  tyrant 
George,'  for  his  hoftility  againft  the  republic  of  France,  now  tell  you 
that  they  heartily  wim  him  fuccefs  againft  that  very  republic  France  ; 
not  becaufe  they  have  changed  their  principles,  or  are  actuated  by  any 
selfish  motive  ;  but,  becaufe  the  fifter  republic  has  changed  her  princi- 
ples and  motives,  Ihe  being  formerly  fighting  for  liberty,  and  the  *  ty- 
rant George,'  againft  it ;  whereas  fhe  is  now  fighting  againft  this  precious 
commodity  of  the  republican  mop,  and  the  '  tyrant  George,'  for  it."tt 

"  By  the  following  intelligence  from  Bafle,  it  would  appear,  that  the 
poor  degraded  and  ruined  Swifs  are  beginning  to  curl  up  their  heads 
again.  Appearances,  however,  may  be  deceitful,  and,  I  muft  confefs, 
that  little  hope  is  to  be  entertained  from  the  difcontents  of  fo  bafe  a 
people.  They  are  contaminated  with  Rights  of  Man  principles,  and 
that  is  enough.  They  can  never  again  be  restored  to  any  thing  like  a 
state  of  honourable  independence,  while  they  retain  EVEN  THE 

NAME  OF  A  REPUBLIC."}* 

> 

*  Nov.  21,  1798.         t  Aug.  13,  1798.         \  Nov.  15,  1798. 
§  Oft.  25,  1797.  !!  Sept.  25,  1797.         f  Dec.  7,   1798. 

**  Dec.  i,  1798.         ft  Sept.  6,  1798.  \\  Dec.  7,  1798. 


FINIS. 


920389 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


